6 Quick Tips to Try Fisting
Ever heard of fisting?
Fisting:
“The act of penetrating someone with a fist.”
— Lane Moore, A Complete Beginner’s Guide To Fisting
While we don’t tend to hear about it as often as we hear about, say, bondage, it is a form of sexual play that almost anyone can enjoy. Fisting can be a very validating experience for queer folks as it allows partners to both give and receive deep stimulation with their partners' very own bodies.
“I’m a guy without a biological penis. So for me, vaginally
fisting lets me really feel myself inside of someone.
Being able to feel someone’s body stretch to accommodate
my girth is hot and validating.”
Fisting can happen anally or vaginally, and since it involves stretching the vaginal wall or the anal canal more than they are used to, it is an activity that requires deep focus and extreme care.
“Our hands are our best sex toys, yet they are often overlooked completely or seen as reserved exclusively for foreplay.”
— Queer Porn Performer Andre Shakti
Tips for Trying Fisting:
1. Get a Manicure
If you’ll be on the giving end, making sure your hands are as safe as they can be is crucial—remove nail polish and cut your nails.
You can maximize protection by wearing gloves. If you have long nails and don’t want to cut them, put cotton balls under them and wear gloves.
2. Use Lots of Lube that Doesn’t Contain Numbing Agents
“Use three times as much [lube] of whatever you think is a lot. And continue to keep adding more.”
— Resident Sexologist at CalExotics Jill McDevitt Ph.D.
Especially if you are planning to use toys, consider using a thicker, water-based lube. Avoid numbing agents; numbing the feeling of pain can result in pushing your body further than what you may want to go and result in injuries.
3. Start and Go Slow
Getting in the mood is key.
What do you do to get in the mood for any sexual encounter? Make out session? Shower together? Watch porn? You don’t need to choose one of those, do all of them! (Because fisting is a sexual activity that will push your body's limits, making sure you're highly aroused can be beneficial beyond the obvious: sexual arousal increases your pain threshold.)
Then, with all parties highly aroused, you can start by using one finger. Go slow, one by one, and always ask if it feels good, which leads us to the next tip…
4. Communicate, Always!
Checking in every step of the way is essential.
“Are you ready for another finger?”
“Is this still good for you?”
“Can you take a little more?”
"Are you doing okay? Do you want to stop?"
"Need more lube?"
“When you’re ready for the final finger, draw your fingers (thumb included) tightly together, then oh-so-slowly let your hand ease in.”
— Gabrielle Kassel, A Beginner’s Guide to Vaginal Fisting
If the answer to the questions above becomes negative at any point, make sure to stop and let the other person know that it’s okay to pause or even stop entirely. Ask if they need anything and if they are feeling okay.
If you're on the receiving end and feel like the experience is taking a toll on you, don't be harsh on yourself and definitely don't push yourself to fulfill either your own expectations or your sexual partners'.
REMINDER: fisting, much like anal and other 'rare' or new sexual experiences that require such care and attention, might not be something you get to follow through all the way to the end the first time you try it. Maybe all you can take is three fingers on your first try; that's okay. You can always work your way up over time, prioritize feeling good and enjoying the experience
5. Use Your Knuckles in Your Favor
Once your hand is in, you can start to slowly close it into a fist as it feels comfortable for the receiving partner, and then twist the fist to use your knuckles for extra stimuli.
“Try rocking the hand back and forth, using your knuckles to stimulate your partner’s G-spot or A-spot.”
— Finn, sex educator at Babeland
6. Make Time for Aftercare
Aside from being potentially considered taboo, fisting can bring up intense feelings, leave muscles sore and sometimes cause damage—something to look out for during the next couple of days. (Make sure to see your physician if you experience spotting that lasts more than a couple of days afterward).
After the fisting session is over, take time for you and your partner to return to yourselves. Ask them what their needs are after this intense experience; maybe it’s cuddling, something to drink/eat, or maybe some time alone. Make sure to also ask yourself what you would like and let them know.
