All Things Libido with a Couples Therapist
“Nobody’s broken, bad or wrong if they
want more or less sex than you do.”
— Dr. Kate Balestrieri
Often, we look at libido—AKA sex drive or sexual desire—as a separate entity, apart from our daily lives. The dominant narrative teaches us that, as humans, having sexual desire is normal. What we don’t explore as much is how varied it can be from human to human—even today, the concept of asexuality can be challenging to grasp for some. Truth is, libido is affected by and related to almost everything we experience and it can behave differently from person to person and fluctuate through the stages of our lives or with different partners.
In our latest episode of Sex Talks with Diana, we chat with Dr. Kate Balestrieri.
Dr. Kate is the founder of Modern Intimacy, which focuses on mental health, relationships, and sexuality. She is a Licensed Psychologist, Certified Sex Therapist, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, and PACT Couples Therapist. She holds a Doctorate of Clinical Psychology and has over 14 years of clinical experience.
“Desire and libido really do ebb and flow.”
— Dr. Kate Balestrieri
In this conversation, Dr. Kate answers all our questions about libido; she reminds us how our emotional state and overall health impact our sexual desire. We discuss how the state of our relationships and our ability to feel connected to others can also affect our overall sex drive. She also offers advice on navigating the differences in libido in relationships and how to approach conversations about it in a productive way.
“For some couples, [sex] is not the most important element of their relationship, so a desire discrepancy might not signal as much of a fear response or curiosity even. For some couples, sex is one of their biggest priorities—it’s one of their most weighted needs and, if there’s a huge discrepancy there and they can’t find a way to work through that, then it could be a deal breaker.”
— Dr. Kate Balestrieri
Dr. Kate also points out how expectations put on sexual performance can negatively affect our sex drive. We explore gender and ethnical stereotypes that can influence such expectations—i.e. how males are expected to want sex all the time and females are thought of as naturally having lower sexual desire—along with possible ways to navigate these if you find yourself facing them.
Find in this conversation:
Advice about how to get on the same page when libidos differ
Conversation starters for libido worries
Gender stereotypes and sexual desire
The Madonna-Whore Complex
Asexuality vs. Low libido
Navigating relationships with asexual folks
What sex education should be like, according to Dr. Kate
Libido, emotions and antidepressants
Tracking your libido
“Pleasure is such an important component of
our vitality as humans—sexual or otherwise.”
— Dr. Kate Balestrieri
If you’ve enjoyed this conversation, don’t forget to sign up for our Erotic Blueprints classes here and explore more about your unique pathways to turn on. Get a free class ticket by joining our mailing list and enjoy free classes every month by joining our Patreon community!
