Friday Five: Sexual Aftercare: How to?
Imagine: You’re sweaty, the sheets are damp, and while catching your breath questions are running through your head: “Did they enjoy that? Did I enjoy that? Did my neck look weird? Should I have not squeezed them so tight?... Should I say something or ask if they need anything? Geeze I’m thirsty.” The thoughts go on and on...
If even a bit of that resonates for you, you’re not alone. For many of us on at least one occasion, post-sex has left us asking ourselves what to do next. While there are no rules on what to do after a sexual encounter, there are ways to help make post-sex just as intimate, and help ensure you and your partner(s) are getting exactly what they need to feel safe, confident, and heard.
And with that, we invite you to learn more about this week’s Friday Five dive: Sexual Aftercare
What is Sexual Aftercare?
“Aftercare is a concept that originated in the BDSM community, and it generally refers to the things you do to make sure everyone is okay and taken care of after sex play. However, aftercare can be anything that you and your sexual partner(s) need after the encounter.”
— Mary Grace Garis
1. Post Pillow Talk
Having a conversation on what felt nice and what may need to be changed in the chance of another sexual encounter is a nice way to practice aftercare. Doing so can help ensure everyone felt safe and heard and give you an opportunity to express your needs and desires. You may ask things like:
“How did you feel when I …?”
“Do you think maybe next time we can try…?”
“Is there anything I could have done differently?
2. Shower or Towel Off
Whether alone or with your partner, taking a warm shower or hopping in the tub can be a good way to regain energy or make time to reflect upon the recent experience. It’s also a great way to share intimacy with your partner outside the bedroom.
Sex educator Amon Elise in her My Sex Bio classes often suggests keeping, or making, warm washcloth(s) to use right after sex. The gesture of toweling off yourself, or offering to clean off a partner can be erotic in itself and can feel refreshing and invigorating.
Sensual Suggestion: If you haven’t washed, or been washed by someone, try it! Start by asking if you can wash the partner(s) while you bathe and with their consent, gently lather them up. This can lead to massage, cuddling, or more. Caution: this can cause arousal and is also a great pre-sex ritual to try 😉
3. Cuddles
Settling to rest with your partner after having sex is one of the most common but efficient ways to relax and share intimacy
Focusing on each other breath to fall asleep after a hot sesh is satisfying, to say the least 😌 Even if you’ve cuddled with your partner a hundred times, there’s often still ways to learn what they like or would like. For new partners and routine, consider asking them:
“Do you like it when I …. [stroke your hair; lay my hand on your chest; etc]”
“Would you prefer if I cuddled with you or gave you space after sex?”
“Would you rather be the big or the small spoon?” “Can I lay my head on your stomach?”
4. “Food + Water” Break Don't forget to 💧STAY HYDRATED💧
Offering something to eat and drink is kind on any occasion. And post-sex, it’s often needed! It doesn’t need to be anything too complicated, a big glass of water or hydration and snacks can be enough 🙌
5. Stepping Out and Giving Space
Needing time for yourself after sex is OK! Asking your partner if they would rather stay with you or need time alone can be a good moment to show respect for their boundaries.
“Hey, do you mind if I stay with you or would you rather to have alone time? Any answer is ok!”
There’s a lot of chemistry going on in our bodies during and after sex.
To better Understand WHY sexual aftercare is so important in our blog:
It doesn’t matter whether you use all, one, or none of these suggestions - helping ensure you and your partner(s) are communicating is all that matters.
