Friday Five: Sexual Freedom
We all crave freedom. Being free in our sexuality is one of the most vulnerable and intimate ways in which we can exercise our right to autonomy, but sexual freedom isn't always a straightforward path to walk.
The systems and messaging around us can make it challenging to hear our wants and needs through society's chatter.
Masculinity and Gender
Gender roles and widespread ideas about masculinity greatly influence the ways in which we relate to each other, and also point us towards old wounds that need healing. How much are these wounds having an impact on your sex life and relationships?
As R.W. Conell puts it, “imperialism was a massively important event in gender history. Some cultures' gender regimes have been virtually obliterated by imperialism.”
“The spread of Euro/American culture erased [other forms of] masculinities and gender perceptions from most of the world, replacing them with traditional hegemonic masculinity. This masculinity was born out of the spread of Catholicism and capitalism, the growing importance of technical expertise and the Europeans’ gendered division of labor.”
2. Religion and Faith
Can religion and free, healthy sexuality coexist? Sister Shannon works to help people reclaim their sexuality in the face of the challenges historically posed by their faith. Hit play to hear her thoughts on how to integrate these two parts of life in a way that feels authentic to you.
3. Social Emotional Education and Sex
Recognizing the many systems we are part of—willingly or not—allows us to analyze the role that power differentials play in the way we relate to others.
We can get very good at communicating respectfully and effectively, at dealing with emotions and caring for other people’s needs, but if we fail to recognize how values from the systems permeate our relationships, we might still make the mistakes we thought we never would.
4. Sex and Socialism
“At large, the Capitalist heteropatriarchy disallows women and the LGBTQ community from controlling the means of their own lives, let alone the means of production. It does this in part by controlling people’s reproductive capacity. This, alongside enforced monogamy and stigma against singles, controls intergenerational transfers of wealth and power.”
5. Relationship Structures
“We have lost out on opportunities to grow into our sexuality, discover what we like (and don’t like) because we have never been taught how to reflect on our sex and pleasure.”
— Dr. Jordin Wiggins on My Sex Bio
Relationships are an important part of our sex lives and have a profound impact on our way of experiencing pleasure, yet this is an aspect of our lives where there is a strong tendency to follow a script: a predetermined heterosexual, monogamous role (that includes getting married, moving in together, potentially having kids, etc.).
This is your friendly reminder that non-monogamy is another option for you and that you can tailor your relationships to the needs of the partners involved. There's no need to get married or live together even if you're choosing to be in a long-term partnership, and all close relationships will bring about challenges; make sure you're doing what rings true with your authentic self.
