Friday Five: Rethinking Gender Binaries
Here’s a brief dive into gender expression and healing unhealthy narratives. Very few things in life are simple enough to be contained in a binary. Take 5 minutes for 5 ways to elevate your mind, body, soul and sex life.
What Is Gender Anyway?
Gender identification seems to be a more Westernized restriction of self-expression as collectives around the world openly express gender more fluidly:
“One ethnic group, the Bugis (numbering around 3 million people), recognizes five genders. Their language offers five terms referencing various combinations of sex, gender and sexuality: makkunrai (“female women”), oroani (“male men”), calalai (“female men”), calabai (“male women”) and bissu (‘transgender priests’).”
— Ianna Urquhart, Exploring the history of gender expression
Gender expression can flow with your present life situation, current mood or preference.
“They adopted the attire of women and engaged in women’s work, but when war came to the Crow, Osh-Tisch adopted men’s clothing and fought with the men.”
— Osh-Tisch, the most famous badé
2. Masculine & Feminine Energy
Regardless of the gender you identify with, some sustain that every person has both masculine and feminine energies.
Masculine energy is often associated with action, discipline, drive and stability. It is the organized force that propels things forward and gets things done. Feminine energy is considered more fluid, intuitive and gentle. This force turns within for emotional balance, comfort and rest.
We need both of these energies in different flows of our lives to keep a balanced mind, body and spirit. Our society has separated us from these ideas and created versions of femininity and masculinity based on physical attributes and personality traits that are often not supposed to intersect with each other whitin the same individual, but being human isn’t black and white; it’s time to embrace it.
3. Healing Toxic Standards
We must work to heal toxic gender ideologies by embracing both energies within us. To work with toxic masculinity, we can use the feminine energy qualities of understanding, empathy and reflection to break down these false standards. A few tips for promoting healthier masculinities among boys and young men are:
✨ Express and identify our own feelings as models for young males
✨ Discuss gender stereotypes and their impacts
✨ Differentiate between physical strength and strength of character
✨ Encourage and celebrate self-expression
4. Toxic Femininity
Based on Zuva Seven’s article on Verywell Mind.
If you’ve ever felt pressured to shave down there or show off more skin for sex appeal, then you might have fallen victim to toxic femininity. While toxic masculinity is often more outwardly expressed, toxic femininity is more inwardly expressed through pressure to conform to unrealistic physical standards. Ask yourself why you may feel the need or urge to modify your body to appear a certain way. Continue asking “why” and you will likely find it’s based on what you were fed by the media and your culture.
“Toxic femininity is made up of a myriad of culture-specific rules. However, through research and references in pop culture, the following core components have emerged:
Docile: This is the notion that women must be ready to accept control or instruction. They should be “flexible” in their thinking and only live to be of service.
Hyper-femininity: This involves the strict adherence to stereotypical feminine behavior. This behavior is reinforced through punishment, such as being at fault for experiencing gender-based violence.
Policing of femininity in others: This involves pressuring others to emulate behaviors that are seen as feminine — for example, commenting negatively over someone’s choice to remain child-free.
Sabotaging others by abusing traditionally feminine qualities: This refers to the idea that all other women compete for male attention and recognition. In this instance, an individual may resent or act harmfully to other women as a means to prove themselves. Behaviors utilized can consist of: gossip, spreading rumors to discredit someone, and the threat of social exclusion.”
5. Wabi Sabi
The Japanese standards for beauty revolve around appearing more interesting and unique. Wabi Sabi is the concept of celebrating imperfection; artists make flaws in their pieces intentionally to make them one of a kind.
Let this be an inspiration to let your flaws and imperfections shine! They all tell a story; your unique story, and embracing them with confidence can allow you to live your life more authentically. Imperfect is beauitful too. Imperfect means real.
