Shining the Light on Being Human
An Interview with Dr. Sue Gronski
Dr. Susie Gronksi a doctor of physical therapy, certified women’s health coach and clinician specialist, pelvic rehabilitation practitioner and — because that couldn’t possibly be enough to fill her time — a yoga teacher.
Through her work as a therapist and health coach, she helps people feel comfortable with their private parts, providing them a safe space to talk and ask questions. She keeps a friendly, cheerful and casual tone, describing herself as a “friend who knows a bit about how it all works ‘down there’ and how to solve any problems.”
We had the pleasure to chat with Susie a while back and gain her insights on sexual health, trust and intimacy. Here is what she said:
MSB: The work you are doing is so important and you approach it in such a positive and cheerful way. It’s clear that the work brings you significant joy! Something that I feel is unique about the work you do is that you focus on working and assisting men in this department. What inspired you to get involved with this line of work and this specialty?
SG: I wish I had an exciting story to tell you. Pelvic health fell into my lap (no pun intended).
I had a good friend peak my interest in pelvic health and, ever since, I’ve fallen in love with the specialty. Little did I know that many of the issues I was experiencing (in my pants) were common but definitely not normal. After learning so much about this field and about my own sexual health, I realized how important was to spread the word.
The inspiration for working with men came from them, directly. I had many men reaching out, asking for help because they had nowhere to turn. This was when I decided to take a stand for those with penises, providing them with the necessary resources and guidance to get their lives back and feel comfortable in their bodies again.
MSB: How has been the reception from followers, readers, and people in your life? Has anything surprised you?
SG: People love the humor and relaxed approach I take in talking about pelvic and sexual health issues! The more comfortable you make someone feel, the easier it is for them to ask personal and intimate questions related to their most prized parts.
MSB: That’s definitely true! For the month of December 2019, we’re exploring the topic of sex and light. I’d love to hear the first phrase/sentence/word that comes to mind when you think of “Sex and Light.”
SG: Let’s shine the light on being human, let’s not pathologize normal.
MSB: Love it! Diving deeper into this topic, how could light be used as sensory play? And what are the benefits of sensory play?
SG: Sensory play is awesome! The more fun we can bring into any situation the better.
Mental and physical stimulation are both powerful tools used to enhance your experience, both in and out of the bedroom. Consent and communication are key, in addition, trusting the person you’re with so that you can be vulnerable and not feel judged.
Practicing pleasure and not pain is a key message I share with people in pain.
MSB: “Practicing pleasure and not pain,” that’s a really interesting phrase. Can you expand more on that?
Ah, that’s a very complicated concept. I’m going to try my best to unpack it!
Often when a person experiences pain it’s very threatening, attention-grabbing and motivates them to take action. As pain persists (and for some becomes chronic), this changes brain circuits and neural networks, favoring a certain pattern associated with pain neural network and less with pleasure (might be forgotten but never lost). People forget what it feels like to feel “good” and safe in their bodies.
Pleasure and pain are both processed in similar areas across the brain (areas of the brain that activate with intense emotion, fear, pleasure, creativity, decision-making, etc). These same areas respond to sensory information from our bodies, thoughts, beliefs, cellular happenings of our insides, emotional reactions, etc. When a person engages in activities that bring them joy, pleasure, or any feel-good yumminess, the brain releases some powerful “feel good” endorphins and neurotransmitters that dampen danger messages coming from tissues or emotionally threatening triggers. Pain that persists is no longer just a “tissue issue” but an emotionally driven process in addition to the many other complex processes involved with that person’s experience.
In summary, the purpose would be to redefine what “good” would look like for that individual, how can we help them feel safe in their bodies again, so that you can begin to go pleasure hunting — consciously be aware and actively seek pleasurable experiences. Pleasure hunts are fun and very powerful once we begin to be aware and welcome those experiences even if short-lived.
This is especially important when I work with people who have pelvic pain. One negative experience here alerts so many protective alarm bells and the more that this is repeated, the stronger the protection gets which for some means more pain, more avoidance, anxiety, fear, etc.
MSB: Hmm, gotcha! In returning to the theme of sex and light — aside from sensory play — how might these two intersect?
SG: Context is everything!
Whenever the brain decides that there’s more credible evidence for “danger” (to your body and or you as a person) than there is safety, your brain will protect you — which means no energy for sexy time. Your brain will put the mental brakes on any fun going down in your pants. Emily Nagoski has a great TED talk about this.
Creating a safe space for intimacy, playfulness and fun requires not only the physical space to be safe but also the space created in your relationships with others and with yourself.
MSB: Do you have any personal experiences or anecdotes that highlight this intersection of sex and context?
SG: Sex is much more than just intercourse or what social media and movies portray — it’s sharing yourself with another human being who makes you feel accepted, loved and safe.
It’s the dynamic interplay between two human beings feeling safe enough to be vulnerable in a non-judgemental space.