What Social Emotional Education Has to Do with Sex: A Systemic Perspective
“We then internalize the value of extraction from people
such that then in a relationship—what do we want? We
wanna get everything we can out of the person, and one
of the things that we can get out of people is sex.”
— Pierce Delahunt
There’s one thing that early sex education seems to have missed almost every time: teaching us how to go about our interpersonal relationships—what is a healthy relationship? How does one establish boundaries? And many other questions are left unanswered. This is a small token of an even much bigger and often neglected reality of our sex lives: their connection to the overall systems we are part of.
In our latest episode of Sex Talks with Diana, we chat with Pierce Delahunt (he/they).
Pierce Delahunt (he/they) holds an M.Ed. from the Institute for Humane Education. Their research was a study of activist-education programs throughout the country. Pierce has worked with CISV, Youth Empowered Action, SMASH Academy, the Coalition for Healthy School Food, and other activist + education programs since 2010. They teach Social Emotional Learning and Socialist Politic, including activism, social justice, and Leftist economics (or as they like to call it: economics). Pierce works from the frame that individualist social-emotional learning is insufficient: Our capacity to have fulfilling lives and relationships cannot come at the expense of others’ abilities to do the same: If our peace, love, light, and whole-child education movements do not address systemic injustice, then they are none of those things.
According to Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL), “SEL is the process through which all young people and adults acquire and apply the knowledge, skills, and attitudes to develop healthy identities, manage emotions and achieve personal and collective goals, feel and show empathy for others, establish and maintain supportive relationships, and make responsible and caring decisions.”
“The conversation about good sex ed is so much bigger
than just whether someone agrees to a sexual act or not,
there’s so much more.”
— Pierce Delahunt
In this conversation, Pierce reminds us of the importance of recognizing the many systems we are part of—willingly or not—so that we can start to analyze the role that power differentials play in the way we relate to others. We can get very good at communicating respectfully and effectively, at dealing with emotions and caring for other people’s needs, but if we fail to recognize how values from the systems permeate our relationships, we might still make the mistakes we thought we never would.
“One way that capitalism empowers the patriarchy or
sexism is by giving more material power to men at the
expense of women and genderqueer folk.”
— Pierce Delahunt
Pierce also points out how, even when we do talk about consent during early sex education, we leave out key aspects that revolve around it. To Pierce, boundaries go beyond what’s verbally established. Pierce highlights the importance of developing both the ability to and the appreciation for respecting other people’s boundaries to the point we tune in our minds to be sensitive to potential boundary violations because people won’t always say “stop” when they feel we are crossing a line.
“Often we don’t have the conversation of what happens when consent is violated? What does acountability look like?”
— Pierce Delahunt
Hit play to find out what Pierce wished they had learnt about sex ed at school and more:
What is socialist emotional learning?
How capitalism can shape our relationships
Objectification in relationships
Sex education in U.S. schools
What sex education should be like, according to Pierce
Why we need to teach gender diversity early on
Pierce’s experience of early sex ed
Accountability, repair and boundaries
Advice for individuals and collectives to advance towards comprehensive sex education for all
If you enjoyed this conversation, don’t forget to check out Pierce’s blog
