4 Aspects of Emotional Intelligence You Want to Learn About
Emotional Intelligence:
“The ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges and defuse conflict.”
— Segal, J. Ph.D. et al., Improving Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
Did you learn how to deal with challenging emotions in your early education or at school?
While emotional intelligence is a skill some encounter growing up, not everyone does. Similar to sexuality, emotions aren’t something we’re born knowing how to manage.
People in the conscious parenting community try to view kids as tiny adults—complete people who experience big emotions but don’t yet have the skills to handle them well.
As we mature, we gain a deeper understanding of our emotions. The more we consciously study and sit with them, the more successful we will be at staying in control and intentionally acting rather than reacting.
Emotional intelligence is the key to having fulfilling relationships, which is, in turn, fundamental to building satisfying sex lives.
Central aspects of emotional intelligence include:
Being Aware of Your Emotions
Developing the ability to name and understand the wide range of emotions you experience throughout the day. You can get better at this by stating to yourself, out loud, “I feel ______.”
Reflecting
Learning to reason with emotions, analyzing how often and in what ways they impact your behaviors and then attempting to interpret other people’s behavior in a similar light.
Managing Emotional Reactions
Using self-control to make the right decision as to when, where and how you will express your emotions to others.
Empathy
Being able—to some extent—to understand what others feel. A good practice for developing empathy is trying to place yourself ‘in the other person’s shoes.’ When you develop more robust social/emotional skills, you might see changes in how you lead relationships as you become more aware of your emotions and those of others.
This might allow you to give more thought to, for example, how you use non-verbal communication. Your words might be on point, but your body language or tone might be saying something else. Strengthening these skills will ultimately help identify conflict as an opportunity to grow closer to others.
As you learn to sit with emotions, you’ll exercise more empathy and find calmer ways to connect.
There's a lot of brain activity happening when attempt to stay on top of our feelings and connect with others in healthy ways.
Sign up for our Science of Human Connection class with Counselor and Mindfulness Educator Jennifer Aberman to explore the common reasons why our brains work with or against us when dealing with emotions.
Sources:
@helpguideorg
@verywellmind
