Coming Out of the Closet
As much as I would love to say we live in a society where you can be yourself without the need to announce your decision and right to do so, humanity has a long history of “othering” behaviors towards those who differ in any way. Being able to say with pride, “This is who I truly am,” can be an important and healing process. For many queer people, it represents a crucial moment where they created a time and space to share their true, whole selves.
However, know that coming out isn't a necessity, it’s not a fundamental step towards queerness, and it’s not what defines your sexual and gender identity. There is no comprehensive guide on coming out—the process looks a little different for everyone.
Approach this with an open mind, knowing that coming out doesn’t glue a label on you. You are not less part of the LGBTQIA+ community if you don’t fit into one category, you are not less part of the community if you change your mind and explore different possibilities, you are not less part of the community if you want to keep your sexuality to yourself.
If you’re on the path to self-discovery, here are three tips I can give you to ease the process, wherever you are in your journey:
Create a time and space for you and only you. As it would be for any relationship, if you don’t take quality time to get to know a person, you will never truly deeply understand them, and the same thing happens with ourselves. Date yourself. At least once a week, spend a minimum of half an hour doing something for you and with you. It could be running, meditating, going to the movies, reading, painting, playing music, listening to music…whatever feels good for you and challenges you at the same time. Why? Because discovering new parts of ourselves can be uncomfortable and make us feel like strangers to ourselves. But if we learn to love the person we are, we are also more willing to accept the changes and evolutions we go through.
Keep in mind: everybody is a work-in-progress. You don’t need to feel perfectly defined by one label to “come out”. Labels are there to signal to and find other people out there that understand a part of you and a community that can support you. Feel free to move around the queer alphabet; those letters aren’t there to restrict you.
Whatever your background or environment, you cannot control how other people feel or react, but you can decide how you let those reactions affect you. I know that when it comes to family and people you love, this can feel scary, and emotions can take over. But remind yourself: you’re communicating a path you’re already on, and what other people will think about it should not affect your ability to move forward. This is your experience, and nobody can take it away from you.
Be PROUD of the person you are, the progress you’ve made and all of the challenges you’ve overcome. The most important “coming out” is the one we do with ourselves every day, practicing self-awareness and self-acceptance, developing the compassion for ourselves that we seek from others.
