Connecting With Yourself Through Sexual Self-Reflection
Meet Pame Clynes, who founded the first platform in Mexico to raise awareness about vulvodynia, aptly named Peace with Pain. Clynes also has a personal care brand, Peace Intimate Care. We had the chance to speak with her about women's health in general and feminine sexuality. In this interview, she shares her insights about sexual self-reflection.
MSB: What does "sexual self-reflection" mean to you?
PC: For me, it's about having a deep and meaningful connection with your sexual self, involving wellbeing, happiness, body confidence, comfort, self-knowledge, spiritual awakening, freedom, physical pleasure, respect and self-worth. I believe that all these concepts combined create a more healthy and positive experience around sex and sexuality. By doing these exercises, we become more aware of our sex lives, bettering them as we grow.
We live in a culture where society has adopted numerous negative connotations towards our sexual lives, especially women’s sexuality. We carry a lot of shame, fear and guilt around our own bodies, genitals and sexuality.
For many centuries, women's sexuality and pleasure have remained invisible. We forget that we, too, are sexual beings like men. It's important to start developing the right to express our sexuality as a natural and beautiful part of ourselves, free from any negative narrative or cultural beliefs.
MSB: Getting comfortable with ourselves is beautiful indeed. In what ways can people benefit from sexual self-reflection?
PC: I think that self-reflection is a wonderful way to be more present and in touch with your emotions, your body, your wants, needs and your fantasies. It creates a space where you are the priority. You can be selfish enough to explore you, to feel you and to sense you, and express that with your partner or other people. It goes both ways, where you can also discover what you don't like and what doesn't make you feel comfortable.
Just like we take time to meditate, breathe and workout, we can add sexual self-reflection to our self-care routine.
MSB: How often and for how long should sexual self-reflection take place within our self care routines?
PC: For the people who meditate every day, these reflections should take part in that space. But I also think that it's a very personal and unique experience. Maybe sometimes you dedicate more time to it and probably there will be other days where you won't find the time. But it's the awareness that counts. It's acknowledging your sexual self that matters.
I don't think there is an exact formula to practice sexual self-reflection. Each person should create their own space, get to know when and how it works best for them and make it a constant in their lives. Just like everything else we do, we get better with practice.
MSB: As we dive deeper into this practice, how might we expect to feel after a reflection session?
PC: More confident for sure and filled with positive energy! It's a gentle way to remind yourself that it's okay to feel sexual. It's okay to be sexual. It's okay to see your vulva in a mirror, and it's okay to touch and explore your genitals. There's no reason for shame. You should feel more liberated and free.
MSB: How do you personally practice sexual self-reflection?
PC: I incorporate it in my self-care routine. So, for me, starting the day by just breathing and feeling my body is a great exercise to create a connection between every breath and my sense of touch. It doesn't always have to be a sexual thing. I do self-love meditation every day and add a sexual reflection. I say that I'm a sexual woman, or that I have the right to feel pleasure, or that I can express my sexual self to others without judgment. It’s like the law of attraction. If I encourage positive thoughts, I'll receive them as well. So, I say that we should all say positive things about our sexuality every day.
MSB: Positivity about our sexuality can help us in a multitude of ways. Can you provide an anecdote about this practice? Perhaps about a time that it was beneficial to you or one of your clients/followers/readers?
PC: For example, when I masturbate, I try to focus on how I'm feeling in general, not making orgasm the goal, but how my whole body feels and reacts. I try to stay more focused on the sexual feeling as an experience and not a performance.
Thank you for talking with us, Pame Clynes.
You can follow Pame’s work on her website, personal care brand and her Instagram page.
