Love Languages vs. Sex Languages
COMMUNICATION
Have you ever had trouble communicating with a partner? Relationships can be challenging to navigate…but we have some guidance to offer!
Learning to communicate (with or without words) is essential for functioning in everyday life and having successful relationships. Sex is no exception.
Knowing how to identify what you want in bed and being able to communicate that to your partner(s) can be a game-changer for your sex life and relationships as a whole. So today, we’re focusing on two different types of communication for you to explore; we’ll call them Love Languages and Sex languages.
Love Languages
“Love communication” refers to the ways that people receive and express love in a relationship. When it comes to love (not exclusively “sex” but everyday shared situations), showing affection and care, one of the most frequently cited resources is “The 5 love languages,” inspired by Dr. Gary Chapman’s notes after his many years of counseling couples. Written in 1992, it’s still relevant and helping partners to this day. The author recognized patterns and categorized 5 different types of love:
Words of Affirmation
This type of love is all about expressing affection through spoken words. This is the primary language for some people who enjoy having their partner show their love in the form of positive affirmations, encouraging quotes, or sweet text messages. If your partner seeks this type of love, don’t forget to let them know how much you appreciate them.
Quality Time
For some, being in the same space while independently working or recreating can constitute ‘spending time together.’ But for those who experience love through quality time, it’s critical to curate moments of complete attention and no distractions. Sometimes this implies putting your phone away, turning off the TV, making eye contact, and listening attentively. If you think your partner would like this type of love, make sure to save some time in your day to be present together.
Physical Touch
As the name hints, this love language is expressed through physical touch and affection. This doesn’t exclusively mean sex. For those who use this as their primary love language, the occasional surprise hug, hand-holding or snuggling while watching a film can be ways to show tenderness in a way they’ll appreciate.
Acts of Service
A person who has this type of love as a primary love language feels loved and appreciated when someone does nice things for them or helps them with an ordinary task. If your partner likes this kind of love language, don’t forget about the little details.
Receiving Gifts
I know what you’re thinking, but not every gift has to be expensive; maybe it can be handmade! A person who has this type of love as their primary love language considers small tokens of appreciation as precious. Sometimes a well-chosen gift is more significant than an expensive one.
Developing better communication patterns with your partner(s) begins with understanding how you each individually express AND enjoy receiving expressions of love. When exploring these ideas with your other(s), it may take time and some self-observation to identify these preferences.
Sex Languages
Much like love languages, there’s a concept that helps us get on the same page with others when it comes to sex and sexuality. These are the Erotic Blueprint Types™. The Blueprints give language to your personal arousal map and provide guidance about how you achieve—or could achieve—orgasmic states.
Just as we may understand the messages of love better via one of the love languages than the others, getting turned and excited about a sexual experience can happen more easily if you tap into your Blueprint and that of your partner(s).
There are 5 different Blueprint Types and each response to different stimuli:
The Sensual Type
This Type of Blueprint is “fed” by experiencing all five senses—sight, smell, taste, touch and sound will help build up the arousal. If you or your partner(s) have the sensual Type as a primary Blueprint, you might want to try setting up a place with music or candles, maybe even bring some blindfolds to help sharpen other senses.
The Energetic Type
A person with this Type of Blueprint gets turned on by anticipation, space and tease; thus, it’s vital to take time and build up arousal at a slow pace because they can shut down or zoom out of it really easily. When you’re energetic, you need to feel safe, connected and comfortable with your partner to feel the energy flowing.
The Sexual Type
Sexual types get turned on easily; simply being near someone they’re attracted to or watching porn can do the trick. They need sex to relax, so anticipation or teasing are not as sought after. This Type wants to get straight to it, and they can tend to have misunderstandings with the other blueprints because of this. They are often direct, and blunt references to sex are enjoyable for them.
The Kinky Type
They get turned on by what some may consider “taboo.” They love exploring new things or playing with toys to get turned on. Being with another Blueprint Type can sometimes be difficult because they may feel ashamed or misunderstood and shut down completely.
The Shapeshifter Type
This Blueprint can pair well with any other Type. They tend to get turned on by lots of different things, and they always want more—more sex, more hands, more touch, and more sensation. On the other hand, sometimes they can feel like they’re too much to handle, which can shut them down. Shame again.
Ready to take a little time to hone in your sexual communication? Discover your primary Blueprint Type with this quiz.
If you’d like to explore the concept of the Blueprints guided by a Certified Erotic Blueprint Coach™, check out our upcoming workshops:
Erotic Blueprints 101: Unlocking Your Pleasure
In this 60 minute workshop, Certified Erotic Blueprint Coach™ Elle McPherson will teach:
💋 The 5 Erotic Blueprint Types™
Find out if you’re primarily:
- Energetic
- Sensual
- Sexual
- Kinky
- Shapeshifter
🛠️ The superpowers and shadows of each Type
👅 Tools and tricks to tap into your Blueprint Type
⚡ How to “feed” each Blueprint Type
Erotic Blueprints 201: Communicating Your Desires
Accompanied with a language meditation practice in 201, you will, in a safe space, explore how your body responds to different types of communication that work wonders in each Blueprint.
In this 60 minute workshop, we’ll talk openly as you:
💋 Review the 5 Erotic Blueprints™️: energetic, sensual, sexual, kinky and shapeshifter.
🍃 Through meditation practice, identify the words and phrases that most resonate with each Blueprint Type and feel how your body responds to them.
💬 Learn communication skills for expressing your desires in partnership.
Sources:
-The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman (2015)
- What Are the Five Love Languages? by Sherri Gordon on Verywell Mind (2022)
- The 5 Erotic Blueprints Are Basically Bedroom Personality Types That Outline What You Need for Great Sex by Natalie Arroyo Camacho on Well + Good (2021)
