Friday Five: De-Capitalizing Sex & Identity
Most of us live in capitalist-driven societies that infiltrate our minds with subliminal messaging starting when we’re children, from the first TV shows we watch to the toys we’re given.
Whether it’s products or media we consume, most of our lives are heavily influenced by corporations & systems that may not have our best interests in mind.
For example, if we all felt at home in our bodies, would beauty brands, face tune apps, or cosmetic surgeons make as much profit? What you do with your body is YOUR business—but it’s also someone else’s.
Keep reading for 5 ways to decapitalize your relationship with your body & sex life.
Question Your Programming
Anytime you feel self-doubt and insecurities (about your body, your feelings, or behaviors) arising within you, stop and question where those thoughts stem from.
Ask, ‘why do I feel this way?’ until you start peeling off layers—most likely, it has nothing to do with how YOU think about yourself.
Analyze how the voice in your head is helping you or harming you. Ask yourself:
What am I feeling exactly?
What is the story I am telling myself about myself?
Does this story resonate with anything from my past or with anything I have seen others do?
Am I trying to fulfill a specific set of expectations? If so, why do I have those expectations?
What are some positive facts about me?
2. Simple Pleasures
Many of the activities that can make us feel cozy in our lives are easily accessible—human connection, nature, food, music. Simplify.
To function in this system, many of us tend to disconnect from our senses as a way to also detach from the discomfort of the unavoidable routines of life, which can be reflected in our sex lives.
Seek the simple pleasures in all aspects of your life—seek connection when you need it, go out for a walk when your body needs movement. The more in tune you learn to be with your body, the more pleasure you will be able to experience, no matter what you’re doing.
3. Diversify Your Perspective
Beauty, success & happiness are subjective. Explore new ways to view the world by purposefully exploring other cultures, philosophies and ideas.
Imagine if people viewed stretch marks as tiger stripes and celebrated when they appeared because they signified strength and bravery—maybe you wouldn’t try to fade them or feel embarrassed by your body's natural changes.
Taken from Poosh’s Instagram Account
We’ve been sold so many ideas about what we should look like that sometimes we forget to build our own story about our body, one that connects to its actual history.
4. Re-Educate Yourself
School systems often fail at providing valuable education about how to be human—and when it comes to sex and sexuality, education (if present) doesn’t tend to recognize the importance of pleasure.
“In the economies of late capitalism, leisure displaces labor, consumption displaces production, and commodities become the instruments
of leisure, identity, and social relations.”
― John Fiske, Television Culture
Put pleasure back in the spotlight, and if you want to go a step further, challenge the ideas of pleasure you already have. Start trying more non-penetrative sex, allow yourself to receive pleasure without worrying about ‘giving back,’ try tantric sex practices or try weaving in more vulnerability into your sexual interactions…get creative!
There’s no shame in turning to the internet, an expert, or a workshop to learn more about what might seem like an obvious topic, especially when it comes to sex. By doing so, you’re starting to create a different world.
5. Spend Consciously, Both Time and Money
We may not be able to escape partaking in today's capitalist systems, but we can be conscientious with our consumption.
“Every time you spend money, you’re casting a vote for the kind of world you want.”
— Anna Lappé
Before you make a purchase or decide to invest time in a specific activity, ask yourself how your desire was influenced and if it’s a purchase that aligns with your overall goals, values and knowledge about your body. Exert your agency, even in the small decisions.
Food For Thought:
How much time and money do you spend on beauty products?
How often do you buy clothes and for what reasons?
How often do you have sex focusing on the process rather than on achieving an orgasm?
How comfortable are you with the natural smells and processes of your body?
Pause & Reflect
The best way to build a relationship with your body and sex life that feels authentic to you is through reflection.
Mindfully approaching our knowledge, behaviors, feelings, and life story can make the difference between staying stuck in the same patterns vs. building a life filled with pleasure.
