Friday Five: Demystifying Female Pleasure
Throughout history, the female orgasm has been an elusive and misunderstood concept. In medieval times, female orgasms were deemed essential, not because of feminist ideals, but because doctors believed that women needed to orgasm to conceive a baby.
Modern science has since rescinded that notion; nowadays, it’s a known fact that women have less orgasms than men. A study published in Archives of Sexual Behavior found that 95% of heterosexual cis men said they almost always climaxed during sex, while only 65% of straight cis women could make that claim.
There are many potential reasons for this discrepancy—from gender psychology to societal norms—and we’re here to start a conversation to help close this O gap.
Take 5 minutes to learn more about how to give and find sexual fulfillment within the female body.
Nogasm
“When the sex doesn’t feel good. When we’re not satisfied, our bodies shut down. Our bodies no longer desire to have sex.”
— Sarrah Rose, Sex & Relationship Coach
An origin of this disconnect can very well be that we do not take the time to learn and understand the uniqueness of each individual as a sexual being.
2. Sexual Re-Education
Most people want to please their partners, but maybe they just don’t know how. Some assume that penetration is all it takes for a person with a vulva to orgasm, and because there is often no ejaculation like with a penis, it can be hard to tell if your partner has climaxed.
Whether in heterosexual or queer relationships, we have to ask our partners what they like. All bodies are different, so don’t assume you know what arouses someone based on previous partners. Asking is arousing in itself! Nothing is sexier than someone who wants and enjoys pleasing you, whatever it takes.
If your partner doesn’t ask—don’t be shy in telling them exactly what it is that you prefer and enjoy. Practice pleasuring yourself so you’re able to communicate what you like.
3. Position Me
Try sex positions that are more stimulating for the clitoris when having penetrative sex.
“The first is when the woman is on top. This position allows the woman to position her clitoris against your public bone, allowing for greater clitoral stimulation.
The second is called coital alignment technique. This technique, shown in many studies to reliably produce female orgasms, is essentially the missionary position where the man positions himself at a higher angle, thereby putting pressure on the clitoris with the base of his penis and his pelvic bone.”
— Daniel Lehewych, What Men Need to Know About Closing the Orgasm Gap
4. Oral Sex
"Give a lot of oral sex," Gigi Engle, certified sex educator, and award-winning author says. “This is the most reliable way to give women orgasms.”
If you need some tips, try reading the book She Comes First by Ian Kerner.
5. Be Honest
This can be the hardest thing to do sometimes, but it’s part of the reason why this gap exists in the first place.
Society has us believe that female orgasms are not as important or way too difficult to achieve. Thus people don’t share what they like, fake their orgasms or don’t speak up when something is not pleasing to them.
Don’t worry about hurting someone’s ego or seeming too assertive by communicating your pleasure needs. If done tactfully, more often than not, people will be open to your suggestions and glad that you can tell them what they can do to satisfy you.
