Friday Five: 5 Love Languages
A nice gift, a soft kiss, having a deep conversation, preparing someone’s favorite meal, reaffirming through words what they mean to you… While we may think that love must be expressed in a specific way, everyone has different ways of expressing love and affection. In 1992, pastor Gary Chapman came up with the “5 Love Languages” from his work advising couples he counseled throughout the years. His goal was to help people identify their primary love expression, their partner’s, and ways to better connect by understanding each other’s preferences and needs.
The 5 Love Languages are certainly not without controversy, and we at My Sex Bio want to acknowledge that the framework was developed for a specific demographic, primarily conservative heterosexual Christians, and has not been thoroughly tested across diverse audiences. However, we believe the theory holds value as a conversation starter for everyone.
As you read, we encourage you to consider which languages resonate with you, as well as discuss with your partner(s) what works better for them. You may find context changes which languages are preferred, or that your taste has evolved over time. You and your partner(s) may also be surprised at where you overlap - or don’t.
Remember that love languages go two ways: Both in how one gives, and how one receives. We always encourage communication, respect for boundaries, and consent in relationships as you navigate the love languages.
1. Acts of Service
A person who has this type as a love language feels loved and appreciated when someone does nice things for them or helps them with an ordinary task. If your partner(s) likes this kind of love language, don’t forget about the little details.
2. Physical Touch
As the name hints, this love language is expressed through physical touch and affection. Physical touch may or may not include sex depending on the individual. For those who use this as a love language, the occasional surprise hug, hand-holding or snuggling while watching a film can be ways to show tenderness.
3. Receiving Gifts
I know what you’re thinking, but this language doesn’t have to be expensive. A person who has this type of love as their primary love language considers small tokens of appreciation as precious. Something thoughtful or maybe even handmade shows the recipient that you’re thinking of them. A cool guitar pick, a loved dessert, or a bookmark with their favorite animal are all examples of small but considerate gifts.
4. Quality Time
For some, being in the same space while independently working or creating can constitute ‘spending time together.’ But for those who experience love through quality time, it’s critical to curate moments of complete attention and no distractions. Sometimes this implies putting your phone away, turning off the TV, making eye contact, and listening attentively. If you think your partner(s) would like this type of love, make sure to save some time in your day to be present together.
5. Words of Affirmation
This type of love is all about expressing affection through spoken or written words. This is the primary language for people who enjoy having their partner(s) show their love in the form of positive affirmations, encouraging quotes, or sweet text messages. If your partner(s) seeks this type of love, don’t forget to let them know how much you appreciate them.
Learning how to speak the languages of love is an amazing way to improve communication with your partner(s) and make them feel loved and cared for. Have you recognized your love languages?
We hope these tips are helpful! Please let us know if there are communication tools you use that we didn’t include. We’d love to give more resources to folx and help foster healthier relationships!
