Friday Five: BDSM Safety 101
Keep reading for 5 essential safety tips when playing with partner(s).
First things first
With any BDSM play, you must always start with consent. Don’t ever assume that someone is into something without having a conversation about it first. Once you’re both on the same page about what you’d like to explore, create a safeword and/or gesture. Real injury can occur—both physically and emotionally—and both people need to be able to end an act if they start to feel uncomfortable at any moment.
“Gestures, like dropping an item, snapping, or even stomping a foot, are necessary if the sub is gagged or cannot speak or make noise for any other reason.”
— Ultimate Guide to Impact Play, Kinkly
2. Rope Bondage
Knot type & placement are the most important here. Unless you’re more experienced, only use non-collapsing knots. These don’t get tighter when placed under pressure and will help to prevent potential nerve damage.
Pay attention to where knots sit on the body.
"Don’t put a hard knot in the middle of your partner’s spine if you’re going to lay them on their back on a firm surface." Redmayne also advises against putting knots in a partner's armpit or putting uncontrolled pressure on the front and sides of the neck.
— BDSM Safety Rules: Expert Advice, Kinkly
3. Choking
To properly and safely choke your partner, apply pressure to the area right below their jawline, closer to the ear than the chin. Avoid tight grips or using too much pressure.
“Use your palm to avoid hitting your partner’s windpipe, and do not pull your partner’s neck to the side while choking them. If you want your partner to move, use their legs or arms; do not try to pull their neck upwards to move them.”
— BDSM Safety Rules: Expert Advice, Kinkly
4. Spanking
Start with your hand, spanking their bum in different spots and paying attention to their reactive body language.
Kinkly recommends using a verbal color system:
Green means keep going
Yellow means slow down
Red means stop
Once you both feel comfortable with spanking, feel free to invite paddles, wooden spoons, hairbrushes, anything with a flat base that can be cleaned. Go slow when transitioning to objects.
5. Aftercare
Create a routine with emotional and physical self-care that you both will enjoy.
Physical aftercare
🖐 Shower
🖐 Massage
🖐 Physical affection
🖐 Food and drinks
Emotional
🧠 Talking about the experience
🧠 Checking your partner’s alertness
🧠 Emotional regrounding
🧠 Regular check-ins even some days after the experience
🧠 Positive reinforcement
