From Monogamy To Non-monogamy
Are you monogamous but considering opening up your relationship after reading some of our content/blogs? Here are some things to keep in mind:
🔆 Before talking to your partner, make sure you understand why you want to do this. “You want to make sure you’re not trying to solve any problems in the relationship, with this as the solution.” Is it because you have unmet needs or just curiosities? Make sure you are ready to communicate this to your partner.
🔆 Choose a place and time where both of you can, as comfortably as possible, sit and talk through this. You want to be alone and relatively unstressed.
🔆 Talk about what commitment means to you. “You have to be direct, but you also have to be reassuring.” Explain as clearly as you can how you feel committed to your partner, and explore ways to express your ‘devotion’ other than exclusivity.
🔆 THINK. ABOUT. THE. DETAILS. What is it that you want to try? Dating someone else? Bringing someone else home? Sexual or emotional involvement? How will STI monitoring work? Consider how you can make things “supportive of the primary relationship, not destructive.” (Find more prompts in the images above.)
🔆 Respect their answer. If your partner is in complete disagreement with it, it’s up to you to decide whether or not staying in a monogamous relationship is best for you. Make sure, however, that you don’t approach this conversation as an ultimatum.
🔆 Find support if you feel you need it. A licensed therapist can help you navigate through the process of opening up your relationship in a way that feels authentic and secure for both you and your partner. You can also try exploring online resources together!
Don’t transform your non-monogamy relationship into unethical behavior. Some of the signs that could indicate unhealthy non-monogamy, according to Bustle, The Hotline and Raïssa Simone are:
🟡 “You have no privacy.”
🟡 “You’re expected to become romantically involved with anyone your partner is dating.”
🟡 “You or your partner insist on having veto power.” (The power to end each other’s relationships.)
🟡 “Power disparities within the 'polycule' [polyamorous relationship with four or more people involved] are not openly recognized.”
🟡 “Your partner has expectations of how you pursue new relationships that they would never accept for themselves.”
🟡 “You feel unable to voice concerns or be critical of your partner or those in your polycule.”
🟡 “There are hostile or manipulative metamours involved in the dynamic.” (Metamours are your partner’s partners.)
🟡 “Your partner lies to you about the rules and boundaries their other partners have set, or lies about your rules and boundaries to others.“
🟡 “Your partner doesn't prioritize safe sex.”
🟡 People involved in the dynamic “minimize sexual assault or the importance of sexual consent.”
Signs of an abusive monogamous partner who uses non-monogamy to manipulate you are:
🟡 “Your partner has cheated and decides they want to open things up as a result.”
🟡 “Your partner wants to be non-monogamous but doesn't want you to have sex with or date anyone else.”
🟡 “You feel like you need to open up your relationship in order to keep it going.”
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