How to Start the Conversation About ENM?
Are you monogamous but considering opening up your relationship? Maybe you’ve done a bit of research on the subject but are still unsure how to bring this possibility up to your partner? Here are some things to keep in mind:
🔆 Before talking to your partner, make sure you understand why you want to do this. “You want to make sure you’re not trying to solve any problems in the relationship, with this as the solution.” Is it because you have unmet needs or just curiosities? Make sure you are ready to communicate this to your partner.
🔆 Choose a place and time where both of you can, as comfortably as possible, sit and talk through this. You want to be alone and relatively unstressed.
🔆 Talk about what commitment means to you. “You have to be direct, but you also have to be reassuring.” Explain as clearly as you can how you feel committed to your partner, and explore ways to express your ‘devotion’ other than exclusivity.
🔆 THINK. ABOUT. THE. DETAILS. What is it that you want to try? Dating someone else? Bringing someone else home? Sexual or emotional involvement? How will STI monitoring work? Consider how you can make things “supportive of the primary relationship, not destructive.”
🔆 Respect their answer. If your partner is in complete disagreement with it, it’s up to you to decide whether or not staying in a monogamous relationship is best for you. Make sure, however, that you don’t approach this conversation as an ultimatum.
🔆 Find support if you feel you need it. A licensed therapist can help you navigate the process of opening up your relationship in a way that feels authentic and secure for you and your partner. You can also try exploring online resources together!
A few examples of questions you may want to ask
yourself or your partner:
🤔How many other partners are you okay with each other having?
🤔Can they see the same person on a recurring basis or only new people?
🤔How many times per week is it acceptable to meet with others?
🤔How much information do you want to hear about these experiences?
🤔When should you focus solely on each other?
