Self-Massage for Sexual Healing
This piece was written by My Sex Bio collaborator and community facilitator Azul, a certified yoga teacher,
world traveler and lifelong student of holistic healing through movement, sound and plant medicine.
Healing from sexual traumas is a deeply personal and explorative process that requires patience, vulnerability and self-love. Sexual traumas can be anything from assault to being inappropriately groped or forced to perform sexual acts. I have found that the first step is for one to acknowledge their experiences as traumatic and in need of healing. Otherwise, the trauma can energetically linger in the body and potentially transform into more serious health, emotional and mental issues.
For so long, I was comparing my personal experiences to horrifying stories I’d heard from friends, writing my own off as “nothing serious.” However, I’ve learned trauma is not comparable, and it doesn’t matter how minor it may seem; we must hold space for our body at every level, giving it the attention and love it needs in order to process and release these negative experiences. Without doing so, we can become disconnected from our bodies and lose our desire for sex as a form of intimate pleasure.
Outside of physical trauma, some people might not enjoy sexual experiences because they don’t know their bodies well enough to share what pleases them with partners. Sex can become a one-sided experience and make one less enthused to engage in it. Regardless of where a trauma is rooted, we all have the potential to heal ourselves.
I first began doing healing work with my yoni* (vagina) after learning about Tantric healing massages and finding Pslam Isadora, a renowned Tantric sex educator, sex coach and yoga teacher. She taught practices like healing self-massages using tantric meditation techniques.
By exploring and worshiping our yoni or penis, the center of many sexual traumas, we can reclaim our bodies and hopefully find a divine connection to our pleasure.
Follow the guide below and allow it to simply be an inspiration for creating your own intimate explorative practice.
Create a temple space
Healing is a sacred practice and should be treated as such. Clean your space and display objects that make you feel safe and happy—protection stones, flowers, sculptures, candles.
Center your mind
This is a form of meditation. Your mind will need to be in a state of peace. If you are feeling scattered, do a “brain dump'' beforehand and release everything from your mind with a 5-minute stream of consciousness journaling.
Connect to your breath
Tantric practices are deeply rooted in the connection to our life force energy—our breath. I enjoy doing the below breathwork practice that draws breath up from the pelvic floor where your life force energy is stored.
To start:Flex inward and up from your pelvis -for those with a yoni, this would feel like a kegel- to guide energy into your stomach. Do this 5-10 times.
“Pump” air up from your belly by contracting your stomach toward your center while taking sharp inhales through the nose. Count 25 inhales, then hold your nose and do another 25 inhaling only with air pumped from your belly. Raise your arms above your head and take a big exhale to finish. You can do 2-3 rounds of these two 25 inhale cycles. If 25 breaths feels like too much, start with 15. It’s normal to feel lightheaded, a bit dizzy or emotional afterward, especially if you’ve never done deep breathing before. Be open and non-judgemental to whatever comes up for you, and take the time you need to close your eyes and relax before moving on.
4. Use mantras
The sound of our own voice is deeply healing for us to listen to. Singing releases stress, and humming in low pitches relaxes and soothes the body. One can chant mantras or seed sounds to ground down and activate the connection to one’s voice. Maybe you’ve heard of “OHM,” commonly used in yogic practices and believed to be deeply healing when chanted, creating a vibration that universally connects all energy.
Below are sounds to activate the root and sacral chakras.
‘LAM’ Root Chakra
This chakra is your solid foundation and relates to safety, security and feeling grounded.
‘VAM’ Sacral chakra.
This chakra is related to sexuality, sensuality, and desire for pleasure.
Begin with a deep inhale, then exhale to chant “OHM, VAM, LAM” , inhaling between each sound.
5.Take it slow
When you feel present, grounded and at peace, you’re ready to begin the massage. Slowly begin to place your fingers on your yoni or penis. Try placing your entire palm face down, covering and pressing into it lightly.
Here is some advice from Mind Body about ways you can move your fingers:
If you have a yoni, you might try:
making circles around clit
using diagonal strokes
windshield-wipering your fingers
moving counterclockwise
tapping your clitoral hood
If you have a penis, you might try:
two-handing your shaft
cupping your balls
tapping or pressing against your perineum
using your non-dominant hand
create a ring with your thumb and forefinger and squeezing the base of your shaft
For those with a yoni:
Once you feel connected to the rhythms within your body and warmed up, guide as many fingers as feels comfortable into your sacred space. Press your fingers up against one side of your pelvic bone and hold. Moving in a circle, press and hold around the entirety of your vulva while saying the following mantras:
“I am safe in my body”
“My body is my temple and sacred space”
“I’m releasing negative experiences from my body”
“My body deserves to be respected and loved”
“I deserve to be healed”
For this practice I would recommend starting with your fingers and then if it feels right, using a jade egg or high quality crystal stone. Remember to keep breathing, focusing on long deep inhales and exhales. Breathwork combined with this touch practice can stimulate lots of emotions and forms of release—crying, moaning, shaking, etc. Let your body release in whatever way it wants to. Nothing you are feeling is wrong. Taking the first step to owning your healing, reclaiming your body and pleasure is an empowering practice and you should feel strong and safe.
6. Find your pleasure
Once you're comfortable with touching and experiencing your entire yoni/penis, be explorative and open to what feels good. The goal of this is not to climax, but instead to create a self love practice that reprograms your relationship with your genitals. Self-massage or masturbation is not always healing or spiritual—this is simply a guide to creating an intentional practice that will allow you to release negative energies so you can enjoy sexual pleasure within yourself again.
Happy healing!
*Yoni is the Sanskrit word for “sacred space,” and my personal preference when referring to my body, especially when speaking about healing. The word “vagina” was derived from a Latin word meaning "a sheath or scabbard," into which one might slide and sheath a sword. The "sword" in reference to the anatomic vagina was the penis, attributing its sole purpose to being a place for a man’s “sword.”
