Bodily Autonomy: Consent
According to Positive Women’s Network USA , “Bodily autonomy is the simple but radical concept that individuals have the right to control what does and does not happen to our bodies.”
Sexual consent is a fundamental part of sex education that can be understood through the lens of bodily autonomy. Should humans have the right to do with their own bodies as they please? We shouldn’t even need to ask.
“Bodily autonomy is about the right to make decisions over one’s own life and future. It is about being empowered to make informed choices,” the United Nations Population Fund points out.
Let’s start off by saying “there’s no such thing as sex without consent.” This is why—among other many reasons—our sex education needs to move away from being fear-based (showing the possible STIs you can get and the consequences of teenage pregnancy) and move closer to teaching young people the skills they need to thrive in their sex lifes when the time comes.
Actually, “increasingly, researchers, educators, and advocates are emphasizing that sex ed should focus on more than physical health. Sex education, they say, should also be about relationships,” says Grace Tatter on Usable Knowledge.
“A Columbia University study indicated that those who received training in how to refuse sexual advances were less likely to be sexually assaulted in college.”
— Boston University School of Law, There’s No Such Thing as Sex Without Consent.
Another way of seeing it according to Lamb, a professor of counseling psychology at UMass Boston, is that proper sex education teaches us how to be more ‘caring and just’ towards one another, and consent is an example of this. Lamb points out how oftentimes when consent is discussed in schools, it’s thought of as a measure for self-protection, but beyond that, what consent is really about is treating others with respect and honoring their wishes—having a healthy relationship with them.
What is Consent?
(noun)
“[Sexual] consent is an agreement between participants to engage in sexual activity. Consent should be clearly and freely communicated. A verbal and affirmative expression of consent can help both you and your partner to understand and respect each other’s boundaries.”
— Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN), What Consent Looks Like
To have a pleasant and respectful sexual experience, keep in mind that:*
Consent can be withdrawn at ANY time, so check-ins during sex should be a must.
Aim to get a resounding “yes” to the sexual activities you are proposing. This is called enthusiastic consent. Avoid engaging in intercourse if the other person is unsure about it, and definitely do not engage in sex if they are unable to consent (i.e. drunk).
If someone is accepting to have sex with you because they are scared, guilty, feel they have no choice or are afraid of retaliation, they are being manipulated and they are not consenting to the experience freely. In other words, they are being coerced into sex, not consenting to it.
Different countries and states have different legal ages for consent.
Sexting is no different than a sexual encounter when it comes to consent. If you are sending or receiving pictures or videos, make sure you state clearly what the boundaries are and respect them. (i.e. can the other person keep your pictures?) This also implies—never send unsolicited pictures of your body to anyone.
Saying yes to ONE activity doesn’t mean agreeing to ALL activities you might have in mind for the sexual encounter. Ask EVERY. TIME. you intend to change activities.
* The information above was taken and adapted from Consent 101: The (Sexual) Basics by the Saskatoon Sexual Assault & Information Centre (SSAIC), What Consent Looks Like by the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN), and Sexual Consent by Planned Parenthood.
Have You Ever Left Consent Aside?
Building a society where everyone knows about and practices consent is our shared responsibility. We invite you to pause for a moment and reflect upon the following questions from The Good Men Project. Be honest with yourself. If your answer to any of these questions is yes, chances are you’ve broken someone’s consent.
I insisted on sex when my partner did not want to (but did not use physical force)
I used threats to make my partner have oral or anal sex
I made my partner have sex without a condom (no force)
I insisted my partner have oral or anal sex (but did not use physical force)
Here are some of our best conversations about consent with out favorite sexperts:
We need to start talking about consent early on in people’s lives, this is a conversations that allow us to touch on healthy relationships, bodily autonomy, freedom and respect. Visit Consent at Every Age to find information on how to have age-appropriate talks about consent.
