Friday Five: Steal These 5 Sexual Goals for Your 2023
Last Friday we prompted you to look retrospectively at your sex life. We went on a reflection journey tackling 5 of the most relevant aspects to assess in your sex life.
After looking back with intention, it’s time to start looking forward with determination.
Harsh truth alert…nothing will be different this 2023 if you don’t make it happen.
Here are 5 key sexual resolutions to set for 2023.
Communicate when something’s not doing it for me
This might be harder to achieve when in a relationship, but it’s key to advocating for your own pleasure.
Sex isn’t supposed to hurt (unless you’re into BDSM ;-)), sex is supposed to bring you pleasure. Period.
Porn doesn’t always show this, but great sex includes talking—especially during the act itself. Make it a habit to communicate when positions and practices aren’t doing it for you, right after you notice it.
To Communicate:
Hey, can we switch up? I’m not enjoying this too much.
Would you be on top instead? I’d enjoy it so much more.
Would you do me in [insert the preferred position]? *Add sexy look for a bonus*
Hey, can we pause for a moment?
Something doesn’t feel right. Let’s take a break.
Because this practice goes both ways, you might want to make sure you are making space for the other person to communicate their needs.
To Check In:
How are you doing?
Do you feel good on top/in this position/doing this?
Is there anything you want me to do?
Are you comfortable in this position?
Do you want to slow down?
2. Giving consent enthusiastically, always
In other words, have sex when the thought of it makes you go “HELL, YEAH!”
Many times we have sex because we think that’s what our partner wants, because we feel we have to, or we just go into it thinking “yeah, I could do that, why not?”
The invitation here is to train yourself to first, be in tune with your desires and your body, and second, to advocate for them. Do you feel like the sexual experience you are being proposed is something you REALLY want to do? Close your eyes and consider this every time you consent to a sexual experience.
If the answer is no, honor that for yourself; say no.
3. Trying at least one new thing in my sex life
Exploring can bring about fun surprises, you might still yet have to try the one sexual practice that brings you the most pleasure you can experience. Feel empowered to play and explore within your sex life, and create safe spaces where you can do just that.
Among new experiences you can try are:
And if you’re in a relationship right now, you might want to take a peek at this blog for advice on how to discuss introducing new practices to the bedroom.
4. Studying my turn-ons and off-s
It might sound boring, but there’s science behind this. All of us have turn-ons and off-s, or what Emily Nagoski, Ph.D. calls ‘breaks (turn-offs) and accelerators (turn-ons).’
On one hand, knowing what turns you on and off can help you guide your lover(s) into the right way of pleasing you, and it can also help you avoid at will what turns you off.
On the other hand, we are all sensitive to different degrees to both our turn-ons and our turn-offs. While some might lose all desire to have sex after a turn-off enters the room, others might be slow to drop the rush.
5. Challenging gender roles
Females receive, males give…we’re past that. It’s 2023.
Gender roles creep into the bedroom and sometimes try to dictate for us how our sex life goes. There’s nothing inherently masculine or feminine about particular sexual acts, we’ve labeled it so to favor an agenda where everyone is supposed to be monogamous and heterosexual.
Push back. Are you always on the receiving end? What about exploring being at the giving end this year? Regardless of your gender identity and orientation, analyze if gender roles in any way show up in bed to limitate your sexual expression.
If so, change the narrative.
Clip from Matthew Broussard's stand up show
Thank you for joining us on our journey of providing nourishing sex education, normalizing taboo topics and sharing unique stories. We hope you will continue to feel supported and inspired to explore your personal sexual wellness, identity and self-expression.
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