Friday Five: Steering your Sex Drive

Last week we shared advice on pleasure climaxing, but what if you’re having trouble getting aroused in the first place?

Keep reading for 5 ways to better understand and overcome low libido.

1. Libido Lessons

Excerpt from “I Have No Sex Drive and My Husband is Mad”: Advice with an Erotic Blueprint Coach

Reminders about sex drive:

• It’s normal for relationships to go through periods of ‘low’ sex drive

• It’s experienced differently by every human

• It depends on many other aspects of your overall health

• How you feel about your partner(s) can impact your libido

There is no such thing as healthy or unhealthy levels of libido. Some people simply do not consistently desire sex at all. Compare “high and low” sex drive only to your personal past and present self.

2. Factors that Influence Sex Drive

• Hormone shifts: If you menstruate, your estrogen levels increase during ovulation which contributes to an increased libido. Biologically, this is the time that your body can become pregnant, so you naturally feel more inclined to have sex.

On the other side, decreases in testosterone in both men and women can lead to lower levels of libido.

“The adrenal hormone cortisol suppresses sex hormones, which kills your libido. And having a low sex drive causes more stress!”

— Women’s Health Network

• Stress: Having sex that you enjoy releases tension and produces mood-boosting endorphins, so being too stressed to have it perpetuates the loop!

3. Sexual Self-Awareness

Now that we’ve covered the interweaving facets of libido, if you’re wanting to increase yours, start by asking yourself these reflective questions:

1. Why am I having sex?

2. What practices, clothes, positions or words turns me on?

3. What was my sex education like—did it address pleasure?

4. What have been some of my most fulfilling sexual experiences?

5. How can I invite elements of these into future sexual encounters?

4. Vulva Mapping

Sexpert Gigi Engle recommends this exercise for vulva owners to reconnect to their sacred sexual vessels:

Take a warm bath and hold a small mirror to look at your vulva, pointing out the different parts.

Image Taken From an Open Letter to the Vulva

5. Reprogramming

Our beliefs and views about sex heavily influence our ability to create our own exciting sexual experiences based on our distinctive desires.

Porn mistakenly teaches us that we should find pleasure in the stereotypical & aesthetically driven versions of sex, like engaging in wild positions or being intensely penetrated.

Release any and all expectations of what sex should be like and begin every experience with novel curiosity and openness. Be patient and kind with yourself!

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Start Something New

Keep a daily practice to reinvigorate your self-discovery journey and sexual goals. Strengthen your confidence in the bedroom, connect with your true self, and/or collaborate with a partner for an even more intimate experience.