5 Ways on How to Support Someone Who Is Transitioning
Coming out as transgender (and this also applies for any other coming out process under the “queer umbrella”) can be something people avoid doing for fear of peoples’ reactions. Showing support during this time of transition is what will make the difference for your friend/family member! So here are 5 ways to support someone who’s transitioning.
5 Ways to Support Someone Who Is Transitioning
Accept their truth
Imagine wrestling with telling someone something scary and life-changing for you, finally feeling brave enough to do so, only to have them utterly dismiss you. Coming out is still a very delicate matter and it requires courage. Even if you don’t understand everything or feel hesitant about it, this is not the time to express your insecurities. Be kind and attentively listen—they’re sharing their truth.
Prioritize and respect your friend’s needs.
2. Be a good listener
The first steps to transitioning can be complex and challenging. Make sure to LISTEN and avoid hammering them with questions or unsolicited advice.
You can say things like:
“I’m sure it’s been really hard going through this, thanks for sharing with me.”
“This is a safe space, feel free to talk as much as you want to.”
“Is there anything I can do to help with your journey?”
3. Educate yourself
It’s ok to have a lot of questions—thank goodness for the internet! As always, be selective with your sources—make sure you read info from LGBTQ+ organizations or trans activists.
Doing some research is both a responsible choice and an easy way to show support. Keep in mind, your trans friend/son/daughter may not have the energy to educate you.
As with any other learning process, you’ll make mistakes and that’s normal. Acknowledge that society imposes hetero-cis normative standards that a lot of people don’t adhere to and don’t have to.
4. Details matter
Trans people's existence is a political matter. You don’t need to become a politician to help your friend/son/daughter—simply expanding your understanding about Transgender Equality is a way to start.
Brush up on issues like transgender people’s rights to healthcare, employment and social security.. Being informed, you’ll be ready to help them fight for their rights when necessary.
5. Validate and respect their identity
It might come as a surprise, but your friend may choose a new name and have new pronouns. Don’t forget to use them going forward. If they told you this, it’s because this is who they are now. Using a dead name (a trans person’s name from before their transition) is considered disrespectful, but your friend will likely be gracious while people adjust, as long as you err accidentally and not intentionally.
To understand why pronouns are important, you can read:
When someone you are close to transitions, it can feel alienating—you may feel as if you never really knew them, or realize that they may have been feeling this way for a while and felt unable to share it with you. Remember—IT’S NOT PERSONAL. Their self-discovery and personal timing aren’t necessarily reflective of your relationship. And although the dynamics may shift, your friend is still the same person inside and is now, in fact, free to be the most complete version of themselves. They are likely feeling a sense of unburdening and are hoping you will be happy for them. It’s fully possible to be supportive of someone even if you don’t fully understand what they’re experiencing.
