Friday Five: Uncomfortable Sex Talks
So you’ve just had sex with a new partner(s), and maybe it was more awkward or uncomfortable than sexy. We’ve all been there, no need for shame or embarrassment, this is not a reflection of your sexual attraction or experience. If you think of sex as a deck of cards, we all play different games with unique rules and variations and sometimes we have to teach our partner(s) what and how we want to play. Maybe you’re also confused as to what the experience meant for your relationship. Either way, better sex is worth an uncomfortable talk.*
*Not partnered? Save this email for later and skip to reading this blog where we talk about mirror work as a way to upgrade your sex life.
Keep reading for 5 tips on how to have a productive sex talk with your partner(s).
Reflection
Prep for tough conversations by getting clear on what you want to express. Ask yourself:
What do I need to feel sexually fulfilled?
What experiences have I enjoyed the most and why?
Are there things that I know I don’t like?
In this phase of life, what does sharing intimacy mean for my relationships?
2. Timing
It can be overwhelming to have conversations immediately post-intimacy, so give yourself time to digest the experience. There’s a difference between taking time to gather your feelings and just avoiding the conversation altogether. The feelings that stick are there for a reason and you will feel empowered and proud of yourself for speaking your truth.
3. Give a Heads Up
Once you’re ready for the talk, let your partner(s) know your intention and meet them in a neutral place where you both feel comfortable. Don’t blindside them—these talks are just as difficult for the other person even if they’re not the one to initiate. If you gave yourself a chance to reflect, give them the opportunity to as well.
4. Confidence & Compassion
Be confident with your words. Never feel ashamed of your personal needs and feelings. If your partner(s) don’t seem to respect your vulnerability or want to have these conversations, then maybe you should reconsider sharing your sexual energy with them. Be kind and compassionate with your delivery. Sexual performance can be a source of anxiety for many people, so even if you didn’t have the best experience, focus on the positive elements along with thoughts on how things can be improved.
5. Talk Often
The more that you have these conversations the easier it gets! Make it an ongoing discussion, where you both have the safe space to speak exactly what’s on your mind and heart.
Five-Star Sexual Empowerment Resources
Our iconic sticker kit is now available as a digital download! Add them to Canva designs, digital calendars, or even your My Sex Bio digital reflection journal (also available in our Etsy shop).
