What Does it Mean to Be Sapiosexual?
In a world filled with diverse attractions and connections, one aspect of human sexuality has emerged to challenge conventional norms and ignite conversations—sapiosexuality.
Beyond physical appearances and superficial charms, sapiosexuality delves into the realm of intellectual appeal, where the mind takes center stage. In this blog, you will learn the key takeaways about sapiosexuality and the potential signs that indicate you might be sapiosexual.
Defining Sapiosexuality
Sapiosexuality, often coined as “intelligence is sexy,” refers to a sexual attraction rooted in the admiration of intelligence.
People who identify as sapiosexual are drawn to individuals whose intellect, wit, and knowledge spark their desire. This form of attraction transcends physical aesthetics and is based on the mental stimulation that profound conversations, intellectual exchange, and admiration can offer.
What is a Sapiosexual?
“In order to feel sexually attracted to another person, a sapiosexual person must first feel intellectually stimulated.”
— Verywell Mind, What Does It Mean to Be Sapiosexual?
A sapiosexual is an individual who is primarily attracted to intelligence, intellect, and intellectual stimulation when it comes to forming romantic or sexual connections. “In these cases, intelligence is the genuine 'turn-on,' not the status, job, or financial benefits that might accompany intelligence,” explains Sex and Relationship Therapist Casey Tanner.
For a sapiosexual person, the ability to engage in deep conversations and share intellectual pursuits is a fundamental factor in experiencing attraction. Sometimes it can feel like you won’t feel sexually attracted to someone at all until you hear them talking and expressing what they have on their mind.
It’s important to note that, as Sex Positive Counselor Ashley D. Sweet told mbg, “Performative intelligence will fall flat and likely turn your beloved sapiosexual right off.”
Fun Fact:
While underresearched, sapiosexuality has been gaining popularity over the last decade. A few studies have attempted to confirm whether or not sapiosexuality is indeed an orientation more than a logical evolutionary trait to favor when looking for mates.
A 2018 study titled Some people are attracted sexually to intelligence: A psychometric evaluation of sapiosexuality concludes that:
“The value of high levels of intelligence appears to extend to specific sexual attraction, rather than restrict itself to potential survival and parental benefits (i.e., partner benefits). Furthermore, for some people, the perception of high levels of intelligence in another person is so substantial that it may induce sexual arousal, more so than any other attribute.”
Signs of Sapiosexuality: You Might Be Sapiosexual if
When analyzing these signs, keep in mind that everyone might have a different idea of what ‘being smart’ feels and looks like to them. You might also want to analyze how often and how intensely these signs appear in your personal life.
You are physically turned on by intelligence. Finding out someone is smart isn’t the cherry on top for you; it is what drives and even determines your sexual attraction toward them.
Lectures, long discussions, or debates can literally get you in the mood.
Aspects typically associated with sexual attraction, like looks and beach bodies, usually take the back seat for you.
You tend to choose sexual or romantic partners you deem smarter than yourself.
You enjoy having your opinions constantly challenged.
You have lost interest in people immediately after feeling they ‘aren’t smart’ or have intellectual stands diametrically opposite to yours in aspects like politics or science.
You prefer nerdy conversations over everyday exchanges and feel those connect you much more to others.
Discussing abstract concepts sounds like the perfect date idea.
You are always eager to learn new things from the people around you. You value and favor relationships that constantly teach you new perspectives, concepts, and ideas. Most of the people in your inner circle comply with this characteristic.
“Sometimes, sapiosexual individuals have also been called ‘nymphobrainiacs,’ or individuals who find it arousing to engage with the intellectual perspective of another person.”
— Diana Raab Ph.D., Sapiosexuality: What Attracts You to a Sexual Partner?
Where to Meet Sapiosexual People
Dating apps. The term sapiosexual was popularized in part thanks to the app OkCupid, which had it as an orientation you could select for a couple of years (and then removed it after some negative feedback). Some apps marketed for sapiosexuals are Sapio and Geek2Geek. (Use at your discretion).
Libraries. Sapiosexuals are very prone to intellectual curiosity, and what better place to do in-depth research than libraries?
Events. “Intellectual conversation, exploration, and gaining perspective are all qualities that contribute to a sapiosexual's level of attraction and connection,” says Certified Sex Therapist Michelle Herzog; this is why attending events on topics you are really passionate about might take you to meet like-minded people.
Friends. Being sapiosexual, you might see no point in activities geared towards finding yourself a partner, which might make it harder for sapiosexuals to meet one another. Allowing friends to introduce you to other people might be a great way to meet other sapiosexuals.
Sapiosexual vs. Demisexual
If you got all the way here, you might be thinking being sapiosexual and demisexual are pretty much the same thing, and while it might look that way, there’s a fundamental difference between them.
Sapiosexuality emphasizes the importance of intellect and mental stimulation, while demisexuality centers around forming a strong emotional bond before experiencing sexual attraction. In sapiosexuality, sexual attraction is determined by perceived intelligence; in demisexuality, sexual attraction is determined by a pre-existing relationship or connection.
Summary
Sapiosexuality might not be considered an official sexual orientation (as, say, bisexuality) but rather a type of sexual attraction. It’s an incredibly under-researched topic, though some studies and people’s experiences support it.
If you feel like intellectual stimulation is a must when it comes to being able to experience sexual attraction, you might be sapiosexual.
“Intelligence” can have different meanings for people, which might determine their sapiosexuality.
To meet sapiosexual people, frequent scenarios that include discussions on your favorite topics or try online dating. You can add to your profile that you are sapiosexual and see who gets in touch. ;-)
For more information on sexual orientations and attraction, visit:
Stay tuned for more content on sapiosexuality. Coming up next: why understanding your sapiosexuality can help you make better sexual and romantic choices.
