What Does it Mean to Be Sexually Healthy?
We’re wrapping up Sexual Health Month and this is the perfect excuse to dive deeper into what sexual health actually is. We read the word health and we might be inclined to think of body parts and complicated bodily processes, but sexual health and sex education extend far beyond anatomy and contraception. In this blog, we will explore three aspects we often overlook when it comes to sexual health. But first, let’s understand what sexual health is.
Sexual Health:
“Sexual health is a state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being related to sexuality; it is not merely the absence of disease, dysfunction or infirmity.”
Sexual health connects to ALL aspects of our lives. It’s not enough to be clear of STIs to think of yourself as a sexually healthy being; instead, you might want to examine your emotions and relationships and how they play a role in your sexuality. This includes exploring your relationship to safety, consent, communication, and even how your own fundamental rights and liberties are perceived by the systems and relational dynamics you are a part of.
“Sexual health requires a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence. For sexual health to be attained and maintained, the sexual rights of all persons must be respected, protected and fulfilled.”
— World Health Organization (WHO)
Sexual Rights?
There is no sex without consent, and there is no consent without at least a very basic acknowledgment of the fact that beings deserve respect and freedom. Many of the rights already recognized as human rights in international law can be classified as sexual rights, some of which are, according to the WHO:
The rights to equality and non-discrimination
The right to be free from torture or cruel, inhumane or degrading treatment or punishment
The right to privacy
The rights to the highest attainable standard of health (including sexual health) and social security
The right to marry and to found a family and enter into marriage with the free and full consent of the intending spouses, and to equality in and at the dissolution of marriage
The right to decide the number and spacing of one's children
The rights to information, as well as education
The rights to freedom of opinion and expression
The right to an effective remedy for violations of fundamental rights
“The application of existing human rights to sexuality and sexual health constitute sexual rights. Sexual rights protect all people's rights to fulfill and express their sexuality and enjoy sexual health, with due regard for the rights of others and within a framework of protection against discrimination.”
Part of ensuring that every single person can be a sexually healthy being is making sure that the rights above are always respected for every person on the planet. When one is deprived of these rights, expressing one’s sexuality fully and developing a sense of sexual self that feels authentic becomes more challenging and sometimes even unattainable. This is why it’s important to participate as much as possible in the decisions that governments around the world make when it comes to people’s protections and sexual freedoms.
When sexual rights are ensured, we can more freely and safely access the pleasure that comes with sex.
Pleasure:
This year Sexual Health Month’s theme is Let’s Talk Pleasure. Pleasure is a fundamental part of wellbeing, as highlighted by Jessie V. Ford et al. in their article Why Pleasure Matters: Its Global Relevance for Sexual Health, Sexual Rights and Wellbeing, as they state…
“A substantial body of evidence shows that sexual rights, sexual health, and sexual pleasure—as a whole—are fundamental to individual health and wellbeing. However, inclusion in programing and sexuality education of positive aspects of sexuality such as pleasure is infrequent, and adverse outcomes—with emphasis on fear, danger, disease, and death associated with sexual behavior—remain the focus of much sexual and reproductive health programing.”
Somehow, most of our sex education seems to have missed out on teaching us that our sex lives are supposed to be pleasurable; we should be able to lead them in a way that feels good, joyful and aligned with our values. If it hurts, if it feels unsafe, something is wrong.
“I wish I was taught that sexual pleasure is okay and that safe and consensual sex is a good thing. I was taught about STDs/STIs and pregnancy. It was presented as if only bad things can happen, but I was not told how to prevent some of those things, and that your partner's and your pleasure isn't a bad thing. It’s human.”
A component that can deeply impact the way we experience pleasure is how we connect to others around us. How we feel about—and with—the people we decide to interact sexually affects the way we enjoy—or not—the sexual interactions we have.
Healthy Relationships:
Were you ever taught how you build healthy relationships and how to spot unhealthy ones? Relationships are so absolutely influential in our lives, that Dr. Catalina Lawsin expresses that “As a clinical psychologist for the past 20 years, I’ve worked with individuals affected by the big guns – cancer, death and dying. Through this work I witnessed the one key factor that motivates one to keep on living – relationships. Relationships are essential to who we are and how we experience life.”
And this component of sexual health becomes even more complicated when we examine how our relationship dynamics are affected by the systems around us that have been growing and consolidating themselves for centuries.
“The thing that I really wished I learned in sex education is, broadly speaking, how the patriarchy shows up in our intimate relationships and what are the implications of that, and what do I do about that.”
— Pierce Delahunt, What Social Emotional Education Has to Do with Sex: A Systemic Perspective
Patriarchy is just one of the many examples: we have gender expectations, capitalism, religions, racism and so many other systems and realities that creep into our relationships. Sounds a bit boring, but learning about the power structures and systemic issues of our societies can be helpful in developing our version of what healthy relationships are. However, all healthy relationships share some characteristics, according to Kendra Cherry on Verywell Mind:
Trust
Openness and honesty
Mutual respect
Affection
Good communication
Natural reciprocity
As pleasure can be an indicator of our sexual health, we can think about sex as an indicator of our overall health. Learn more about what this looks like in our Carnal Theory episode with Licensed Clinical Psychologist Dr. Catalina Lawsin:
Reflect Upon Your Sexual Health:
At My Sex Bio, our mission is to get you reflecting deeply and mindfully about your sexuality, so that the next time that you make any decisions on your sex life, they are even more loaded with intention and more aligned to who you are. When you pull out your journal, our entire team is overloaded with joy. :-)
Let’s translate all the knowledge above into your own life. Grab pen and paper, or make space in your day to sit with the following questions and attempt to answer them as honestly as possible.
Sexual Rights:
Where you are, do you have access to contraception?
Are you free to speak your mind and make decisions for yourself?
Do you have access to comprehensive, pleasure-based sex education?
Do you ever suffer discrimination? From who and why? How can you remove yourself from these situations and ask for help/demand respect?
Pleasure:
How do you feel about sexual pleasure? Do you think it’s a positive aspect of life?
What are your thoughts on casual sex?
How often are your sexual experiences pleasurable to YOU?
How aware are you of what feels pleasurable to you in the bedroom?
Relationships:
Are you in a safe space within your sexual relationships?
“Is there equality and fairness in your relationships?”
What is your perception of other people’s relationships and could that be affecting how you understand your own sexuality?
What’s your gender orientation and how does that impact your relationships?
And finally, is there anything you can do to change or better any negative reality you’ve described as an answer to any of the above questions?
Remember, you are a creator, an active participant in your life and you have the power to help create a world where everyone in sexually healthy—start small, start with yourself if you can.
We hope this reading has been helpful. If there’s any questions or topics you’d like us to cover on our blog, shoot us an email at hello@mysexbio.org or DM us on our social media @mysexbio.
