Why Group Sex?
We’ve been wanting to address this theme for a while now and are excited to be breaking down GROUP SEX 101 at long last.
Why Group Sex?
Our goal at My Sex Bio is to end the shame and stigma surrounding our sexuality. Everyone’s preferences are valid, healthy and can lead to a deeper sense of sexual self when embraced in a safe and mindful manner. Group sex (sex with more than two people) is one area of sex and sexuality still heavily surrounded by the shame and stigma that we are trying to fight against.
We believe that the first step in changing that is education. Understanding the history and reality of group sex, as well as the ins and outs of engaging in a group sex experience, will all help any individual reflect on their sexuality and find deeper peace with it
We’ve found that the main reasons group sex is so taboo can be:
In couples, an uneven willingness to engage in this experience, a fear of change of behavior or the possibility of one of the partners getting emotionally involved with a third person.
The thought that sex’s only goal is reproduction.
The idea that monogamy is the only available possibility for a romantic relationship.
“Orgy” vs. “Group Sex”
The word ‘orgy’ has expanded to denote unrestrained excess in a variety of forms–gluttony, drunkenness, and even murder (‘bloody orgy’). Therefore, the terms ‘group sex,’ ‘multi-person sex’ or ‘plural copulation’ are preferred (Frank, 2013).
The History of Group Sex
The history of human beings is full of convoluted interactions between different human groups and societies. Many of these interactions have taken the shape of widespread colonization and oppression. Group sex/orgies have been a means to liberation as much as they have been a means of oppression.
✨ We know now that most ancient cultures had sex for pleasure. For them, group sex was a form of worship to the power of sex they felt in themselves and in nature around them, as opposed to being rooted “in any clearly conceived notion that intercourse would produce children” (Evans, 1978).
✨ The Romans held sex parties and orgies as a means of obtaining societies’ respect and political power. As the great entertainers, they were expected to be, hosting an orgy could help them “go up” in the power pyramid. These parties were also exclusive, closed to the general public.
✨ With the hippie counterculture of the 60s and 70s, we see mainstream values challenged by young generations looking to gain more freedom. We see a “battle” between sex for pleasure, and sex as a duty.
✨ In places where ancient tribes were colonized, we see how taking away practices like group sex also becomes a way of political and cultural control. The Marind-Anim are one example of many in which native worldviews can be replaced with Colonialist religions’ values.
What to Ask Yourself Before Setting Out:
Sex with one partner can be complicated and difficult to navigate if you haven’t done enough inner reflection and communication. Imagine how much that multiplies with more than just one partner! Before jumping in, grab pen and paper, and ask yourself:
▶ How many people would I be comfortable with and excited about?
▶ What am I expecting to get out of a group sex experience?
▶ Who do I want these people to be? People I know or strangers?
▶ What scenario would make me feel most at ease?
▶ Where and when would I like it to happen?
▶ Have I tried group sex before? What did I enjoy and what did I dislike?
If you’re in a relationship, you might also consider these questions from Mark Kaupp, a licensed marital and family therapist (2018):
▶ What would it be like to watch my partner/spouse have sex with someone else… and see them really enjoying it?
▶ Would I rather see them with somebody I know or a complete stranger?
▶ What feelings would come up?
▶ What meanings would I make from their enjoying the sex?
▶ What if they fell in love?
Is Group Sex Non-Monogamy?
According to Kaupp (as mentioned in Time, 2018), there are three major types of consensual non-monogamy (CNM):
💞Open relationships – when people remain in a committed romantic relationship but allow each other to have sexual partners outside of it
💞Swinging – when people are in a committed romantic relationship with each other but have sex with other couples, swapping partners
💞Polyamory – when people have multiple romantic partners
Though it’s understandable that people would link polyamory or non-monogamy to group sex, it’s unfair to expect that polyamory will always include group sex or sex at all.
Meaning?
Group sex can be a part of CNM as much as it can be a part of any other type of relationship arrangement. It’s not specifically tied to CNM, and people in CNM relationships actually report having sex with partners separately more than actually engaging in group sex.
Carnal Theory:
“Group sex doesn't mean that you need a group effort. You really just need at least one leader who is willing to coordinate the group engagement.”
– marla renee stewart
This month’s episode with marla renee stewart dropped this week! Tune in wherever you listen to your podcasts to learn more about marla’s theory.
Writing Prompt:
Take what you’ve learned through our social media, Carnal Theory interviews, this newsletter, blog and more to inform your inner reflection and self-exploration:
📝How have the historical depictions of group sex differed from my own understanding of it?
📝Have I ever stigmatized somebody because of their sexual practices or beliefs?
📝Have I ever been stigmatized because of my sexual practices or beliefs?
📝 When I hear the words “group sex” or “orgy,” what images, smells, sounds, or other sensations come up?
📝 What emotions do those sensations evoke?
📝 Have I ever partaken in group sex? If yes, how was my experience? If not, would I? Why or why not?
📝What are my thoughts about polyamory and how do they relate to the topic of group sex?
This voluntary monthly prompt invites you to explore your sexual biography.
Tips on exploring this: Set aside 20 minutes with your phone on silent and relax in a comfortable space with a pen and paper. Go slow. Start with what comes to mind from your first read of the prompt. Continue writing your stream of consciousness.
Mantra of the month
I will be an ally to others, not by talking over them, but by amplifying the voices I am working to support.
