“Am I a Sex Addict?” What Sex Therapists Have to Say
When it comes to having an addiction to sex, we asked Dr. Kate Balestrieri if there were any signs to tell when our relationship with sex is becoming a damaging one. Here are a few behaviors that could indicate a problem:
“Am I a Sex Addict?”
Is your relationship with sexuality causing any negative consequences in your life? Are you having a difficult time course-correcting those negative consequences?
Those negative consequences can look like:
Self-inflicting a physical injury from compulsive solo sex
Passing an STI to a partner as a consequence of engaging in sex outside with relationship
Putting your jobs at risk for having inappropriate content on a work computer
“Sex addiction is not about sex or orgasm. It is about the search for sex and the desire for orgasm.
It’s a process addiction.”
Addictions, specifically process addictions, are not defined by the number of times a person engages in a certain behavior, nor are they defined by the specific type of behavior.
What makes an addiction an addiction is the reason why people keep engaging in said behavior despite the impact that it has on their everyday life. The impact is often negative and destructive and the reasons can be traced to a wide array of emotional issues.
Drawing a line to try and establish how much sex is too much sex is tricky and almost impossible since every person has their own views both about what classifies as sex and about the number of encounters they consider excessive.
It’s too much when YOU feel it’s too much, and it could be an addiction or compulsion if it starts to keep you from delivering in your everyday life.
How to Know it Has Crossed into the Realm of Addiction?
“Sex addiction is not defined by the amount or type of sexual activity involved, but by the particular relationship the person has to compulsive sexual experiences,” says Dorothy Haden, LCSW. What makes an addiction an addiction is the reason why people keep engaging in said behavior despite the impact that it has on their everyday-lives. The impact is often negative and destructive and the reasons can be traced to a wide array of emotional issues.
Drawing a line to try and establish how much sex is too much is tricky since individuals can hold differing views about what classifies as sex and about the number of encounters they consider excessive. It’s too much when YOU feel it’s too much, and it could be an addiction or compulsion if it starts to keep you from showing up in your daily life.
There are, however, some indicators of a sex addiction, according to MayoClinic and Addiction Center. It could be a sex addiction if you find yourself...
🔶 Continuously engaging in sexual activities, despite wanting to stop
🔶 Neglecting other obligations in the pursuit of sex
🔶 Having a preoccupation with having sex, even when it interferes with daily life, productivity, work performance, and so on
🔶 Using compulsive sexual behavior as an escape from other problems, such as loneliness, depression, anxiety, or stress
🔶 Constantly engaging in risky sexual behavior that can challenge your health, relationships, job, financial stability, or legal situation
Misconceptions about Sex Addiction
There are three main misconceptions about sex addiction, according to therapist Sam Tielemans on We Heart Therapy:
🔶 Sex addiction is about sex.
“Underneath the acting out behaviors, people struggle with emotional issues such as trauma, or shame, or faulty core beliefs,” says Tielemans. Robert Weiss LCSW agrees with this view by saying that “sex addiction is not about sex or orgasm. It is about the search for sex and desire for orgasm. It’s a process addiction.”
🔶 “Sex addiction doesn’t exist; it’s not real.”
It seems to be that the experience of the professionals working one-on-one with people who struggle to control themselves around sex is that people can indeed present behaviors towards sex that are typical to an addiction.
🔶 “Once an addict, always an addict.”
According to Tielemans, this way of thinking “minimizes the brain and person’s ability to heal.” We know that thanks to neuroplasticity, our brains can modify themselves throughout our entire lifespan. It’s always possible to learn and unlearn.
If you come across a person who is or might be struggling with sex addiction, keep these three items in mind. Validate their feelings, encourage them to seek help and to think of their behavior’s underlying reasons. Why do they do it? Robert Weiss LCSW mentions how “underlying attachment disorders, early sexual trauma, sometimes they have developed mental or personality-based issues, all of which lead them away from intimacy and toward intensity.”
