Friday Five: Understanding Ethical Non-Monogamy
Most of us grow up in cultures with a monogamous, heterosexual model of adult relationships. However, there is growing awareness and discussion of other types of relationships. In today's diverse and evolving world, exploring ethical non-monogamy allows individuals and couples to redefine their boundaries and experience love and intimacy in ways that align more closely with their values and desires.
Whether you are curious about opening up your relationship or seeking to deepen your understanding of non-monogamous dynamics…
Keep reading to explore 5 key themes about ethical non-monogamy and how to incorporate these practices into your life. 💞
1. What is Ethical Non-Monogamy?
Ethical non-monogamy (ENM) is an umbrella term that encompasses various relationship styles wherein individuals have consensual romantic and/or sexual relationships with multiple partners. The emphasis is on ethical practices: honesty, consent, and mutual respect are foundational.
ENM can take many forms including polyamory (having multiple loving relationships), open relationships (partners have sexual relationships outside their primary partnership), and swinging (couples engage in sexual activities with others, often in a social setting). One may have a primary partner or consider all of their partners to be equally important.
There are no predetermined rules in ENM other than that all involved are in clear communication, are considerate of each other’s needs and feelings, and fully consenting.
2. Starting the Conversation
Bringing up the idea of opening your relationship can be daunting. Approach this conversation with sensitivity and openness to ensure a positive and constructive dialogue.
A few examples of questions you may want to ask yourself or your partner:
How many other partners are you okay with each other having?
Can they see the same person on a recurring basis or only new people?
How many times per week is it acceptable to meet with others?
How much information do you want to hear about these experiences?
When should you focus solely on each other?
Read more on our blog:
3. Challenges and Benefits
Have you had any doubts when considering becoming ethically non-monogamous? ENM comes with its own set of challenges and benefits.
Challenges:
Psychological strain: Concerns about potential rejection or exclusion and a lack of resources and support may lead individuals to repress their needs, feelings, or identity.
Time management: Love is infinite, but time isn’t. There must be enough time for all partners in the dynamic to feel good and valued, and it might often be tough to find it.
Expectations: Even with strong communication partners can misunderstand each other.
Benefits:
Trust and freedom: Studies find ENM practitioners report different feelings of trust and jealousy than their monogamous counterparts.
Enhanced communication: Intentional efforts to redefine traditional relationship roles and form relationship agreements can result in marked improvements in interactions.
Disclaimer: This list has been gathered based on the sources linked in our blog post below and may not be relevant to every non-monogamous relationship. Regularly check in with all partners to ensure everyone's needs and boundaries are being respected and met.
4. The Importance of Consent
Consent is the cornerstone of ethical non-monogamy. It ensures that all parties are fully aware of and in agreement on the relationship dynamics.
Consent isn't a one-time discussion but rather an ongoing process. It's important to create an environment where all partners feel safe to express their feelings and concerns at any time. Consider having open discussions about safe sex practices, mutual expectations, and any changes in the relationship structure.
5. Providing Aftercare
“Aftercare is a concept that originated in the BDSM community, and it generally refers to the things you do to make sure everyone is okay and taken care of after sex play. However, aftercare can be anything that you and your sexual partner(s) need after the encounter.”
— Mary Grace Garis
Aftercare is essential in any relationship, especially in non-monogamous dynamics where new experiences can bring up unexpected emotions. It is particularly important after sexual acts, but it may also prove valuable after engaging in novel activities, encountering new partners, or exploring fresh experiences.
Different people find various forms of aftercare beneficial. Some prefer physical care such as cuddling, providing water, and ensuring comfort. Others may enjoy emotional support like discussing feelings, offering reassurance, and validating each other. Further types can include debriefing, boundary reaffirmation, planning future encounters, etc.
