Friday Five: 5 Practices to Level Up Relationship Communication

While for some being in a relationship can seem easy, for others keeping the communication flowing sometimes means extra effort. But don’t worry! Here are five easy-to-implement tips to start, or continue, fostering honest and open conversation.

1. Understand your Own Feelings First ❤️

Before starting any argument or conversation on an uneasy topic with a partner, make sure you understand your own feelings. Sometimes taking stock of one’s feelings is not easy, so here are some ways to reflect upon a situation:

• This situation bothers me because…

• What’s my first reaction when [the conflict] happens?

• What can I do to avoid feeling this way?

2. Start with “I” Statements

How we approach and initiate conversations can make a huge difference in how they proceed. Instead of starting the discussion by pointing fingers at your partner or their behavior, consider discussing how you feel. For example, instead of saying “You hurt me when…”, try saying “I felt hurt when…”

Looking for more ways to improve your conflict resolution skills? Check out this blog:

3. Think of the Timing

As you may do with other important conversations, choosing a good time to bring up the topic can make or break a discussion. Giving your partner a heads-up can also be a good idea, so it doesn't catch them by surprise and make them feel caught off guard or ambushed. By giving them an idea of what you want to talk about beforehand, you can give both of you time to consider what you’d like to discuss and agree upon how and when to best approach it.

• “Hey, when you get a minute, can we talk about [the situation that brought discomfort]?”

• “I know things are busy right now, but could we make time to prioritize having a chat about [the situation/behavior that bothers you]?”

• “Hey, I know neither of us is in the headspace for it at this moment, but I wanted to mention that I’d appreciate discussing [what you sit uncomfortably with]. Can you let me know when you’re able to talk and we’ll discuss it.”

4. Establish Open Communication

Creating an environment where communication can flow without judgment is an amazing way to share intimacy with your partner. This can help you both feel more comfortable and secure around each other. How can you establish this “judgment-free zone”?

• Say it out loud: Make it explicit! “This is a moment of no judgment! What do you think about (topic)?”

• Regular check-ups: Make sure your partner still feels safe to talk openly about whatever comes to mind.

• Stay emphatic: Stay open to what they have to say, acknowledge their feelings and words, and make them feel heard.

5. Practice Active Listening

Being a participatory listener is crucial for healthy relationships. This doesn’t mean we’ll always be perfect listeners, but the more we practice, often the better we become. Since active listening can be hard, here are some ways that can help you understand what you’re hearing, and can prompt clarity and accountability, if needed, for resolution.

• Questions: Ask follow-up questions to their statements. This helps you gain a deeper understanding of your partner and their perspective.

• Rephrase: Restate the info they gave you in your own words before encouraging them to keep going. “What I’m hearing is that you feel [their feeling] when [situation] happens.

• Being fully present, maintaining eye contact and non-verbal cues lets them know you are paying attention to what they are saying.

We hope these tips are helpful! Please let us know if there are communication tools you use that we didn’t include. We’d love to give more resources to folx and help foster healthier relationships!