Friday Five: 5 Sensual Senses
When it comes to connecting with others—especially reconnecting sensually—we might want to think of what new, unheard-of practices can come to our rescue.
However, because it is through our bodies that we have the privilege of experiencing the world—including sex and moments of deep connection with others—redirecting our attention to our senses might just be that one “trick” we need. Keep reading for:
5 ways to reconnect through the senses.
1. Notice Your Body
Focusing on your senses as a way to reconnect with others also allows you to spend some time reflecting on your own sensory experiences.
Awareness and intention will be your allies when tapping into your senses. Ask yourself:
Which of my five senses are the most sensitive?
Is this true for all contexts, or does it change in the bedroom?
How often do I get distracted from my body while having sex?
How often do I tap into my body during serious conversations or arguments with loved ones?
Which of the five senses helps me soothe the easiest?
2. Stare More Often
Staring is a powerful practice.
Staring into another person’s eyes can be challenging and scary, especially when we’re as vulnerable as we often are during sex. However, sight—and more specifically, eye contact—is necessary for many of our cognitive processes and is key to directing attention (Helminen et al., 2011). Analyze:
Emphasizing eye contact during sex is often regarded as a tantric experience for couples and is frequently used in sexual counseling.
3. Play with Hearing
In this era, a lot of the content we consume gets to us through our eyes; sex is no exception. We invest in lingerie to look appealing, and we watch a lot of porn, but what if we chose to close our eyes and focus on our hearing instead?
“There are certain kinks that turn me on, but it’s more comfortable for me to imagine them than to watch [...]. I don’t think any shame should be attached to visual porn, but I feel it a lot less [shame] when I’m listening to audio.”
Listening to audio porn or even reading erotica to your partner can not only be great ways to explore arousal through hearing, but they can also prove to be safe spaces to explore kinks or taboos that might feel challenging to watch, as well as friendlier starting points (with more diverse narratives than mainstream visual porn) for anyone struggling to overcome sexual shame.
Read our exclusive interview with Audio Erotica Creator British Filth here. Or cut straight to the chase:
4. Try Sensory Deprivation
The best way to heighten your perception of one of your senses is to deprive yourself of other senses that could be “distracting.” Some ideas below:
Click below to learn some sensation play tips from Adult Entertainer Jet Setting Jasmine:
5. Pair Conflict with Touch
“Touch has a calming effect by decreasing levels of cortisol and increasing oxytocin, which is the primary hormone involved in social bonding and also facilitates arousability.”
— Marieke Dewitte et al., Nature Magazine
In other words, there are two main takeaways here:
1. Touch is great during sex
2. Touch is also great during conflict
Think of the last time you were having an argument with your partner, a close friend, or a family member. While discussing what bothered either of you, did you ever stop to smile at each other or hug?
Oftentimes, when there is conflict in our close relationships, we tend to hyperfocus on it and set aside the reasons we have this close connection in the first place. Finding the balance between making sure concerns are addressed while still providing spaces to keep our nervous systems regulated can help us have wiser, kinder, more empathetic conversations.
