Friday Five: Detoxify Your Life
Give yourself 5 minutes to reflect on the following 5 behaviors you no longer need in your life.
Toxic Positivity
Although positivity is often valuable, it is important to recognize that it is not always appropriate in negative situations. Forcing a positive attitude toward yourself or other people can be counterproductive, especially when legitimate emotions such as grief or sadness are ignored.
Toxic positivity can manifest as phrases that minimize someone's suffering, such as "everything will be fine" or "everything happens for a reason." Practicing empathy and allowing ourselves to feel our emotions, sit with them, and understand what they are bringing into our perspective is essential for genuine growth.
“Toxic positivity is a way of responding to your own or someone else’s suffering that comes across as a lack of empathy. It dismisses emotions instead of affirming them and could come from a place of discomfort.”
— Tabitha Kirkland, psychologist and professor at the University of Washington.
Toxic positivity can manifest as phrases that minimize someone’s suffering, such as “everything will be fine” or “everything happens for a reason.” Practicing empathy and allowing ourselves to feel our emotions, sit with them, ans understand what they bring into our perspective is essential for genuine growth.
Key takeaway: feel your feelings instead of attemping to force yourself to be positive.
2. Gaslighting
What does it look like?
“One partner might—after being told about their partner’s sexual interests or desires—deny that they had ever heard of that and might belittle their partner's interests, calling them unnatural or wrong."
— Dr. Fortenberry of the American Sexual Health Association (ASHA).
Respect and validation of one's own and one's partner's sexual desires in any relationship are pillars of creating an environment of trust and openness. Denial or ridicule of these desires by a partner can create a toxic environment. When both parties feel heard and respected in their intimate needs, a solid foundation is laid for open communication and the development of a healthy and satisfying sex life.
Key takeaway: do not allow anyone to shame you because of your desires or preferences. People do not need to share them with you to respect you.
3. Toxic Masculinity
While women have long suffered the consequences of toxic masculinity, men are also victims of these idealized versions of what they should be and how. They are led to believe that they should be self-sufficient, extremely strong, providers, and hypersexual; they are stereotyped into the man box. This can cause pressure and make it difficult for men to create a version of themselves that feels authentic to them.
We can ensure men in our lives feel safe enough to express their feelings to us without fearing ridicule and being firm when placing boundaries on behaviors that perpetuate the stereotype/unrealistic expetation ever further.
Key takeaway: don’t be ealkng around putting unrealistic expectations on others, and don’t tolerate any dysfunctional behaviors that can derive from this.
We can all rise to the occasion.
4. Draining Environments
Reflect on your emotional well-being and find spaces where you can be authentic and empowered. Honesty in relationships and self-care are key to detoxifying your life and achieving greater emotional balance. Ask yourself the following questions:
When do I feel my best? Who is around me? What does it feel like?
Where can I show up more honestly in my relationships?
When do I feel most empowered? Who is around me?
Key takeaway: curate your environment. Get intentional about the people you can choose to have around.
5. The Load
Sometimes, letting go of the past is necessary for personal growth. Find healthy ways to let go of pain and negativity through creative expression, direct communication, or relaxation practices such as meditation.
Key takeaway: take a deep breath and let go. Hold space for the grief and joy that comes with this.
